Adventures of Autism & Adoption

I missed a picture

2012-01-03T22:11:00.002-07:00

But I suppose it deserves its own post. A picture of two pictures of Annie. One was her referral picture, on a magnet. The other is an ornament made at school. Real school. Kindergarten. With her typical peers. Mainstreamed. :) That makes my <3 so happy.

I am so horrible

2012-01-03T21:47:00.013-07:00

at posting on my blog. I freely admit it. Fail. Ahhhh... Such is life. I accept my failure. Hopefully in 2012 I will do better, because there are things I want to document, to remember. I want to remember the very first time each of my kids said Grace (since Thanksgiving, we've been making it a habit to sit down and eat dinner together every.single.night, rather than feed the kids and find something to eat once they are in bed as we used to). I want to remember realizing that Annie feels empathy, while empathy is something Aiden struggles with. I want to remember the way Kieran's voice sounds right now, all sweet soft, at odds with the little whirlwind of little boy energy that is Kieran. I want to remember all of the Elijah-isms, as we call them, like wanting star baby tea (strawberry lemonade). I want to remember how last night he was crying about rain drops (we still haven't figured it out), so I grabbed a cup of water, hid it behind my back and sprinkled drops on him with my fingers. The look of happiness in his eyes, this child of mine who struggles so much with every day life. Priceless. Here are a few random recent pictures, Christmas and whatnot. In just two days my firstborn turns 7, I can't believe it. And now, off to work on his gifts!

Adeventures in Autism and Adoption

2011-11-01T17:20:00.002-07:00

I realize it has been 7 months since I last wrote anything. It has not been an easy time in our lives and I felt like I couldn't write anything. I don't know that I'll have the time to fully relate the last 7 months, but here is a start. Evan redeployed March 8, 2011. We arrived in Bulgaria March 19, 2011 and took custody of Annie on March 21. We were prepared for a sweet but scared little girl. We were not prepared for a child that is so damaged emotionally that she acts out constantly. We weren't prepared for a child that screams for hours, that hurts herself so badly that we fear the possibility of a child abuse investigation (on several occasions she has purposely smashed her face into objects hard enough to give her a black eye and for weeks she will continue to pinch the bruise any chance she is not supervised so that the bruise remains, that is one example!), that constantly rejects our love and affection but thrives on control, anger, and hurt. We weren't prepared for a child that attacks us and attacks our other children. We weren't prepared for Elijah to suffer regression from all of the stress. We weren't prepared for Kieran's issues (which as of right now is sleep issues diagnosed as parasomnia and a request for an autism evaluation because of his autistic tendencies and the fact that it somehow runs in our family). So... here is a kid by kid update, starting with Annie.
When Annie first came home, she did everything and anything she could think of to get a reaction from Evan and I, from smearing poop on stuff to peeing herself (and other people, other people's stuff, etc.) to attacking her brothers, us, herself... We would have several bad weeks, then a good few days, then it would start all over again. At first her appetite was good, but eventually she realized that she could make food a power struggle and the last several months she has tried to eat as little as possible. In July I broke down crying to our pediatrician and he sent us to a child psychologist. He was very guarded and wouldn't explain why. I broke down crying to our speech therapist and shared all of our experiences- she confided that even before I did so, she suspected that Annie may have reactive attachment disorder. We got a recommendation to a child psychologist and had 1 phone session and one visit in our home. The child psychologist, who is experienced with RAD, told us she believes Annie has RAD, but she wanted to see her several more times before making the diagnosis.
The next week, the psychologist was no longer able to keep Annie on as a patient due to being accepted into a position at a university an hour and a half away. We have been unable to find a replacement, as it seems RAD is not something most psychologists are experienced with. It is something that is typically only seen in children who have been in an institutional setting (such as an orphanage or hospitalized for long periods of time as an infant) or in foster care. Although we don't have an official diagnosis, we agree with the doctor that Annie does indeed have RAD. The next time we saw our pediatrician he asked me if Annie had been diagnosed with RAD, as he had suspected it, but he didn't want to tell me. He has said several times that he's not sure if Annie will ever get better.
Thankfully, right THIS MINUTE, we are in an okay place with Annie. She has not formed an attachment to us and while I have feelings for her, I'm not sure I have formed a good attachment to her. Evan doesn't feel like he has attached to her at all. Let me be clear on one thing- Annie might be a very frustrating and challenging child, but she is NOT A BAD KID. Not at all. She is a HURT child. We don't know why exactly. It may be that her baby house (NOT the orphanage we adopted her from, the first orphanage she lived in) was not attentive enough to Annie as a baby. It could be just that Annie did not thrive emotionally in that type of environment even if they did meet her physical needs- it's a fact that some kids are just higher needs than other and if Annie was hardwired to be a high needs kid and she didn't have her emotional needs met... I'm not saying she WAS in a bad place, just that we don't KNOW. RAD can also happen when a child is hospitalized and not with their parents (or main caretakers) regularly, so it is not unheard of in kids with otherwise emotionally healthy families.
So what we see is this- Annie is very superficially sweet. She is an adorable- okay beautiful- child and she KNOWS it. She uses her looks, her smile (remember that RADIANT smile?!) to get what she wants. It is the only way she knows how. When someone tries to get close to her- like our family- she acts out against them. Some books I have read on RAD say that a child needs to feel bad, to confirm their feelings of worthlessness so the more you love on them, the more they act out. This is what we see. We love on Annie and she immediately openly defies us. She hits, kicks, spits, pinches. Until recently, we were NEVER able to capture a tantrum on video because the second she realized she was being taped, she would stop whatever she was doing and immediately act like a very sweet and obedient child. More recently, we had been video taping Elijah's melt downs so his therapists could see and Annie decided she WANTED her tantrums on tape, too. As soon as we realized that, we stopped trying to video hers. She LOVES the camera and video camera. She is constantly telling us she is pretty and cute as well as asking to see videos and pictures of herself. We ask people not to tell her she is pretty or cute because it is such a huge issue- rather we tell Annie what a good job she did doing this or that, whether it be jumping up and down, giving a high five, finishing her dinner, coloring in the lines, etc. We try to focus on actions that she can own rather than her outward appearance.
At 7 months home Annie still rarely plays with toys unless she is mimicking her brothers or classmates. She attends public school in a semi self contained classroom. She spends at least an hour a day in a typical kindergarten class, but mostly at non academic times. Her only current diagnosis is an educational diagnosis of moderate mental retardation. We don't know if that is accurate or not, but for now, it gets her the services she needs. We had to move off post in order to get Annie and Elijah the services they needed at school. The new school is nice and now all 3 kids are in the same school district. (More on that in the other kid's updates.) The school on post was bent on working against us in everything we did- from allowing Annie to gorge herself to the point that she didn't need to eat except at school to showering in her with hugs and kisses despite our many requests that they use high fives- our rule is "Hugs are for family, high fives are for friends." For our autistic sons, it is a good life lesson- it won't be cute when the boys are adults hugging (or attacking in some cases) every stranger they see. In Annie's case it is for attachment. She seeks to have a superficial attachment to any adult that is not mom or dad. Many adoptive parents (at least of older kids, it's probably not an issue with a newborn ;)) adopt some sort of rule on this, because it is SO important for kids coming from an institutional setting to grasp that these new people are FAMILY. They come home never knowing what a mom and a dad are- they may have heard the word, but they don't understand what it MEANS.
In the old school Annie would come home with suspicious bruises, including, once, marks on her arms like someone had grabbed her arm hard enough to leave a hickey like mark from their fingers- yet we were told constantly that she was a perfect angel and had no behavioral issues. We were not allowed in her classroom to observe or check on her. We made the decision to move ASAP and while it remains to be seen whether it was a good move financially, it was definitely better for Annie. The new school is fantastic about our requests. Annie is not thrilled with not being a princess at school, but I think she is settling in and having lots of fun, regardless. She is also LEARNING. Arizona has this insane curriculum of teaching a semi cursive writing style beginning in kinder. Surprisingly, Annie is starting to be able to crudely reproduce these letters, with guidance. She still has no idea what they mean... But she is in a learning environment, she gets a break from the emotional stress of a family, we get an emotional break from her and I can recharge- all good things that I feel outweigh the down side of being separated from her so much and having a curriculum I don't care for. Her English is great and I honestly believe she is speaking English much better than she ever spoke Bulgarian.
I'm not sure what the future holds for Annie or for us. We are learning that God is equipping us, if we just ask. It has not been easy and I imagine it will not be for a long time, if ever, to parent her. I have hopes that eventually the attachment will be there. She has many, many struggles and with our other children, it's not always easy to be the parent that all of our children need.
On to Aiden. Aiden expressed a desire to try public school this year and with all of the turmoil and stress in our lives, Evan and I agreed that home schooling was, unfortunately, always a priority, so I made some calls and we found a school that would accept Aiden as a student. At six years old Aiden is supposed to be in 1st grade. Academically he is at a 3rd grade level. The principal placed Aiden in 2nd grade for several reasons- 1, Aiden has social emotional deficits for his age level, so placing him with older kids is a concern, and 2, Arizona doesn't like children to be outside of their age appropriate grade level and penalizes schools for advancing or holding back children. I've never heard of a child in AZ being more than one grade ahead or behind, I'm not sure if it is even possible. I know that the state can choose to withhold funding for a child that is not in his/her age appropriate grade. Anyway... Aiden is doing okay in 2nd grade. In some ways it is very much a challenge for him because he has to interact with people socially (and appropriately); he has to sit for extended lengths of time, which is hard for him (for various reasons, including his low muscle tone, he literally doesn't have the core strength to sit still and not fidget or move around), and he has a time limit in which to complete his work. He has only 15 minutes to eat lunch, which is another struggle, as he is a slow eater. Academically, he is not being challenged at all right now. Arizona is very much behind in terms of ranking vs. other states, in the last 5 out of the 50 states. They don't have real history/social study or science goals for 2nd graders (in California, we studied the history of California in 2nd grade, I distinctly remember this), both of which are subjects Aiden excels in and finds interesting. Their main focus is bringing up the math and reading comprehension scores of the state. The math is ridiculously easy for Aiden, except when they have vague renditions of coins, although I think this has gotten easier for him since I put coins in his pencil case for him to compare the drawings to. ;) The reading comprehension program they have doesn't seem to be a good fit for Aiden, since some of the questions they ask (specifically, the why questions) are difficult for Aiden. His teacher has too many students in her class and I think she struggles with keeping everyone orderly and progressing. Many of her kids are English language learners and take up much more of her time than a child like Aiden.
That being said, as far as his allergies- the school has done GREAT. So far we have been very please with their efforts to keep Aiden safe. In January Aiden can take a test for gifted placement- I'm not sure if they will base the test on his age or grade, but we'll see. At this point, I would like to go back to homeschooling next year. I don't feel that Aiden is being challenged academically and I personally don't see the benefit of forced social interaction. We could get quality interaction by joining a home schooling co-op. I have hopes that our situation will be calm enough next year that I can successfully resume home schooling, but at this point only time will tell.
We made the decision to pull Aiden from physical therapy. He has a wonderful therapist but the scheduling/receptionists were a nightmare and forever messing up our schedules- coupled with there being so little time in which therapies could be done after school and the fact that Aiden wasn't progressing... It seemed like the obvious choice. Aiden started soccer in September. It has been good for him. We are currently trying to figure out what other activities he will be doing from now until the end of the school year, as there is a league that has a winter and spring session of soccer. Although soccer has been GREAT for Aiden, it has also been a little stressful on the other kids so we have to take that into consideration as we make our decision. We're also considering martial arts and gymnastics.
Aiden continues to do ABA therapy, which has been a huge reason for his success in school. One of our therapists will no longer come into the school as of this week, but our team feels that he will do just fine with just one therapist coming into his school several days a week rather than the 4-5 day coverage he was getting. We will see how this works out. If he starts to do poorly and it becomes an issue, we will have the option of pulling Aiden out of school towards the end of January, but at this point we are hopeful that he will do okay.
At home, Aiden struggles with many things. Attitude, respecting adults, understanding that just because he is extremely bright doesn't make him an adult or give him adult privileges, fighting or arguing with his siblings, not wanting to play with them... The list goes on. I think some of it is probably typical for an oldest child who has started school away from his younger siblings and some of it is from his Asperger's, maybe some from the stress we've all been under, etc. We did learn that, for whatever reason, Aiden has a weak bladder. His bladder is unable to hold a normal amount of urine and he also has difficulty completely emptying his bladder, both of which contribute to him needing to go frequently and with urgency. His urologist wants him to try a prescription medication, which I have yet to fill. I haven't researched the medication to find out if it is corn free- I will probably have to actually fill it to find out. As far as Aiden's allergies, he had a scope done 3 weeks ago. It showed that his eosinophil level is still high. We are waiting for an appointment with a doctor that specializes in allergies and is familiar with corn allergies, specifically. The doctor he had been seeing for his allergies is a pulmonologist that also does allergies... Aiden had an immediate reaction to a formula the doctor assured us he couldn't possibly react to (even though the first ingredient was corn syrup), so while I think he is a fine pulmonologist and we will continue to use his practice to manage the boys' asthma, we would prefer to see a doctor that specializes in allergies for allergies. I'm not sure what our next step is. The old doctor was pushing for removal of all food and a strictly formula diet (but not a corn free formula!), which we don't agree with. We didn't even know that there are medications (asthma medications!) that can be used to treat Aiden's EE (eosinophilic esophagitis) without resorting to drastic measures like tube feeding a 6 year old child who is perfectly capable of eating (and who is willing to eat). For now, Aiden's asthma seems to be under control. Other than his EE, he is physically healthy. He hasn't even had any colds or other illnesses besides an occasional runny nose (which could be allergy related). Aiden also lost his first two teeth (center bottom) and the adult teeth were already grown in behind. He is also getting his first set of permanent molars. My baby boy is growing up!
Since I forgot to mention this above, Annie is also very healthy and has never had so much as a runny nose that wasn't related to crying. ;) She has had quite a bit of blood work and check ups done. She does have a heart murmur, which wasn't in her records, but it is a functional murmur and requires no monitoring or further cardiology check ups. Her bone age corresponds with her size rather than her actual age, about 3 1/2 years, but this is not unusual for a child raised in an institutional setting. Typically, it is normal for a a child to "lose" one month of physical and developmental growth for every four months they spend in an institutional setting. By those calculations, Annie isn't nearly as delayed physically or mentally. All of her blood work is normal, so we will follow up with an endocrinologist regularly at least for a year or so, but they don't think that anything is physically wrong with her to cause her bone growth delay. As a side note, we also know nothing about the size of Annie's bio parents, so she could very well be right on target based on her genetics, but we have no way of knowing. We aren't concerned.
And on that note, I'll have to end this, because it has taken me about two hours to write this and my family needs me. I'll try to do an update on Elijah and Kieran soon, as well as Evan and I- and of course, post more pictures. :) I realize this update is probably going to scare some adoptive parents. That's okay with me. If this scares the, off adopting, then maybe they weren't ready to adopt or meant to adopt. It is NOT easy, it is not all sunshine, rainbows, and unicorns. In fact, we rarely get rainbows, it is mostly stormy weather in a boat that feels like it might not make it- but at the same time, God didn't call us to this because we were equipped. He will equip us because He called us to it. Whether that eventually means that we were only stepping stones in Annie's life or if we are truly her forever family, I have no idea, but I'm acting on the belief that we are her forever family because God made it clear that we were to adopt her. I have no intention of disrupting but I am aware that her needs may end up being greater than Evan and I can meet. It's kind of like marriage- you don't go into marriage thinking that if things get bad, you can just get a divorce, otherwise that is exactly where you will end up. You HAVE to have the attitude that this is for life and that with God, everything is possible. And it is. God is good, all the time.

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2011-10-21T15:55:00.000-07:00

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

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2011-10-19T20:55:00.000-07:00

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Pictures from Monday

2011-03-22T11:51:00.028-07:00

She realized I was about to change her and she wasn't thrilled. (We didn't get any of her first running to me or meeting Evan.)

It hit her that she was LEAVING. This is her favorite caregiver/teacher. She called him Niko-Mama or Niko-Dati or Mama-Dati or some combination.

This is the first picture we have of Annie with Daddy.

She wasn't even thrilled to have Evan anywhere near her at this point.

This little girl came and gave Annie a coloring, I think she had made it for her. The kids had already filed through and said goodbye. The group was mixed different groupas and most were not the kids I remembered from Annie's groupa.

This was after she had woken up from her brief nap. She was very serious most of Monday when she wasn't upset.

She has gotten very attached to this drinking glass. Lol.

Here is a half smile. I can't remember what I did, but I had to work hard.

There's more of a smile. :)

I'm not sure if you can tell, but she is smiling behind her glass.

She does not drink very neatly. Lol. She dribbles a lot. In her defense, she has a scar that looks like her lip was literally cut in two and she may not have full feeling in her lip. I got a bite on my forefinger when I was 18 and have never regained full feeling in that finger.

Haha, I knew she'd stick her tongue out at some point.

See how she is leaning on his leg? If I tried to touch her or hug her, she immediately clung to him. It wasn't until today that Evan realized she is calling him both Dati and Niko-Dati. We aren't sure yet if this is a good thing or a bad thing, but we just gently remind her that he is Dati, not Niko-Dati. (Not sure how to spell Dati.)

She really isn't too sure about me taking her picture. As far as she is concerned, I am the one who is trying to take her from her Dati.

This is how she looked most of the day on Monday, serious and a little sad.

You can see she looks tired, but she refused to nap. She did not nap today, either, no matter what we did.

I'm so glad that she has been much happier today. She still greatly prefers Evan over me, but we are trying to have her spend as much time holding each of our hands, being held by both of us, etc. She hasn't had a meltdown like she did when we left the hospital. She did cry a bit when we tried to get her to nap. I'll admit, yesterday we were both a little scared of her and neither of us wanted her to break down like that again. She didn't seem to NEED a nap today, so when she started to cry, we chose not to push it because she will probably not nap at home. We were only trying to keep to her schedule for now. Today was such a great day, even with her pushing me away a little, that I fear that we are in a honeymoon phase. We'll see and God will get us through whatever may come! ;)

Day 1 in Sofia

2011-03-22T05:32:00.008-07:00

We've had a pretty nice day so far. Annie has been doing well with us. She LOVES Daddy and right now wavers between liking me and tolerating me. Lol. She LOVES to eat. At breakfast she had scrambled eggs, bacon (more like a ham steak, but it was bacon), some sort of sweet bread, orange juice, and a few bites of my unsweetened cocoa puffs with milk that tasted like water (low fat maybe?). Lol. She ate more than Evan and I, but considering Evan had a sick stomach, that's not surprising. We got ready to go out (we added a layer of fleece to what she is wearing in the pictures, then a heavy coat).

We stopped at the front desk for a map and directions. They pointed out some parks, a zoo, told us where KFC was (we asked). It seemed like it was going to be a lot further, from looking at the map, than it really was. We were a bit nervous at first about crossing the street, but we quickly learned to stay with a group of people and cross when they did. Lol. We each held one of Annie's hands, which was a good idea because in some places the sidewalk was so uneven (on the side streets mostly) I'm surprised none of us fell. I almost did. ;) But I'm a klutz, so maybe that isn't saying anything about the sidewalk. Lol.

We walked around a bit first. My friend, Denise, had given me directions and although it seemed confusing to me at first (I so need directions and a map and possibly a GPS all at once ;)), everything made perfect sense once we were out on the street. We went in a store called Ugly Fox. There was a skirt I really wanted, but I didn't feel comfortable trying anything on, so we went on our way. Once we got down near McDonald's, we crossed the street and came back the other side. We were pleased to see that we recognized the street from yesterday, as the immigration (or migration as is written on their cars) office is there. We stopped in a toy store, where Annie asked for a doll. I wanted to find with a soft body and when I pointed out Cabbage Patch dolls, she practically screeched with delight and declared that she wanted the blond haired blue eyed doll. LOL. I showed her a brown haired doll, but she wanted the blond. She calls her doll Coca Barbie. I am not sure what that means, but it is a small Cabbage Patch doll dressed as a fairy. I am not sure that I've ever seen CP dolls that small in the US. It's like a mini one.

After we got back to the intersection where KFC was, we crossed back over and went into KFC to eat. Right next to KFC there is a place called Papaya's. All they sell is desserts from what I could tell (totally my kind of place!). Evan said he wanted to go in the first time we passed it (note to self- NEVER turn down the offer to go in a sweet shop again! lol), but by the time we'd walked around and eaten, he no longer wanted to. Darn. We stood in KFC for a few minutes, debating who would order (because I know a few more words in Bulgarian than Evan, literally only a few though!) but I don't like ordering, but we weren't sure if Annie would throw a fit if I tried to go sit down with her... So we eventually went up to the counter to order and the lady spoke English. Afterward I told Evan she was probably thinking we were pretty stupid, thinking no one could understand us. LOL.

The food tasted just like KFC back home, except they had real fries, not the nasty potato wedge fries that US KFC serves. The only bad thing was they charged 50 leva cents per ketchup packet, so Evan made do with 2 packets, which cost about 70 US cents (35 US cents a packet). We shared a large chicken strip meal between the three of us, plus a small fanta for Annie. Evan LOVED that they served the Pepsi without ice, but the large size wasn't very large at all and I don't think they give free refills. Next time we will ask when we order.

After KFC, we went back to the Ugly Fox, where I got the skirt I'd had my eye on. The lady gestured for me to try it on, but I said no. I was feeling more comfortable, but not enough to try it on (I have no problem trying stuff on in US stores, so Idk why I was so uncomfortable). So we just bought it. (Just wait, there is a funny story coming later.) Then we stopped at a stand to get soda, water, and snacks for the hotel room. They sell huge bottles of Coke and water here. The waters were like 90 leva cents (not sure what you call cents here), the cokes were 2 leva and are 1.25L. Evan carried all of that, although by now we were wishing we had a backpack. Our next trip we will look for a black backpack or something that will blend in. The only backpack we have, besides Annie's little princess one, is Evan's Army one and he doesn't want to wear it in public because it is basically advertising that he is in the US Army. We stopped briefly in Dunkin Donuts, only because I said if we did, I would carry the donuts, the skirt, and Annie's doll. Lol. We made it back to the hotel, a bit proud that we'd made it without incident. Lol. You can laugh. I am. ;) I noticed on the way back that the price of soda and candy in the shops on the same street as our hotel was a bit cheaper than we'd paid at a stand, but we couldn't see the shops from the side of the street we'd been on coming out. Oh well, we know for next time and it wasn't that much cheaper, although the closer proximity is definitely a reason to buy there instead.
Now for the funny skirt story. I had held the skirt up to my hips and it seemed like it would fit. It is a long skirt, ankle length, which I have been wanting. It really is a beautiful skirt. It has pleats sewn in the top, opening up to a full skirt and it is denim. When I went to try it on at the hotel room, I couldn't get it past my thighs. Hmmm.... Evan asked if I had tried putting it on over my head, like a dress. No.... So he helped me. And guess what? I got stuck. ROFL. Or I might have been if I hadn't been stuck in the skirt. We managed to get it under my chest, but it was not going down any further.... Thankfully my husband doesn't lose his head and he was able to ease the skirt back up over my chest and shoulders and get me loose. Before we'd slipped it over my head I kept saying, WHY doesn't it fit, it is the same width as my jeans! Well, once we had it stuck on me, I realized why! In the US, you rarely see jeans made for women or girls that are not STRETCH denim. Seriously. Besides Wranglers, I haven't even been able to find any for the last few years. So even though I registered that the skirt was heavy, it never occurred to me WHY it was heavy. Even if I had realized why it was heavy, it might not have occurred to me that I would need a larger size since it was "regular" denim. I'm dense like that. Lol. Not only that, but even if the store had an exchange policy, they only had the one skirt. But I told Evan that is okay- I am going to keep it and maybe it will encourage me to lose the weight I have been wanting to lose! :) And I will always get a chuckle when I think of getting stuck in it.

Annie is really doing well. She is currently making Evan dance and she is shrieking with laughter. The funny thing is, half the time when we ask her something in English, she will reply appropriately (da or neh) in Bulgarian. If I didn't know better, I would swear she understands English to an extent. Lol. We are having to teach her many things you wouldn't think about- like to take ONE bite of food and chew it before taking another. If left to her own devices, she will shove everything on her plate into her mouth. At KFC, she tried to shove a whole chicken strip into her mouth (and we aren't talking about dainty little chicken pieces). I would tell her no and have her take a bite, then set the strip down. One fry at a time. By the end of the meal she was eating how we wanted her to, but I suspect it is something she will need to be reminded of for awhile.

We didn't find Annie a coat, which I had wanted to. Actually, we did find one I wanted, and if we can't find one that fits well, we may go back and buy that one (and I just won't think about the price because it was almost $30 usd). It was Adidas, I think that is why it was so much. It was the only jacket I saw that looked remotely her size, but it was several sizes too large. The others we saw were all too small.

Lol. Right now Annie and Evan are woofing at each other and she is shrieking and yelling and ordering Evan around. She keeps pointing at him and telling me various things. She is so delighted to have his attention! I think she is calling him a peesa or beetha (maybe dog? maybe I don't want to know?. Lol! I thought maybe she called a dog on the street the same thing. Every time we saw an animal, I pointed it out and told her what it was- dog, cat, etc. She was very excited. She had a conversation with a lady in a store that we went to, but the only thing I understood was that we were her Mama and Daddy. Lol. We do have a piece of paper that says we adopted her, just in case. And yes, we carry it with us everywhere. ;)

And now, what everyone really wants, pictures. In the pictures, Annie is wearing a 24 mos outfit. She really needs 3t for length, but waist she is probably an 18 mos. The weird thing is, she doesn't seem skinny or starved at all, she is just tiny. She is solid. Not thick or fat, just petite but solid. And in case you are wondering, yes she is wearing tights under her leggings and no I did not purchase them here. I got them at Walmart in AZ. ;) It's only supposed to be in the 30-40's today, but it didn't seem that cold, maybe because it's not windy. To go outside she wore more layers than in the picture. I wouldn't want her to get cold- or to have a babushka scold me. Lol.

Back in Sofia

2011-03-21T06:13:00.003-07:00

We are back in Sofia, at our hotel. Passport paperwork and photo is done. We've eaten and now Annie is trying to rest. She had a very rough morning. When they brought her to us, she spotted me about halfway down the hallway and ran yelling, "Mama! Mama!" Of course, I scooped her up and hugged her. She hugged me tight and was happy to see me. She refused to go to Evan, she seemed a bit fearful of him. We told her Evan is her Daddy and she would repeat, "Daddy," but she only wanted Mama to hold her.
She was perfectly happy as long as I didn't try to hand her to Evan until I went to change her. She started crying. Her favorite caregiver was there and he finished getting her dressed. At that point she about lost it, it really hit her that she was leaving with us and she cried intermittently until we left. I don't think I have any photos of her smiling. We had to wait while they did paperwork- Toni gave the caregivers paperwork then they gave us some. When we went to leave, her caregiver carried her out. Marty went to get her buckled and all heck broke loose. She started kicking and screaming. It took about 10 minutes to get her buckled, her caregiver took over and he kept having to take her out because she was fighting him so much. He finally had one of the female caregivers come take over and she got her buckled in. Annie kicked, screamed, hit and bit. She bit herself. She tried to bite me. She kicked at Marty's seat until Toni asked me to hold her legs so she wouldn't. She carried on that way for a bit. She would calm down, then she would start again. I think after a half hour or so she fell asleep, worn out. She slept for maybe 20 minutes, then woke in a much better mood and we played quietly until we reached Sofia. It was heartbreaking to hear her cries. I could feel her heart breaking, her fear, her pain. Evan, Toni, and I all prayed for her. It was one of the hardest things I've had to watch- like when your child gets blood drawn and you can't do anything about it, only worse.

She seemed fine afterward, but we are worried how she will do tonight. She is refusing to nap, so we are going to try to find a movie to download for her. She just had diarrhea, poor baby. She is very good at letting us know when she has to go so far! Please pray for peace for her as she goes through this difficult transition, leaving everything she has ever known behind. I will post pictures later.

The view from our balcony

2011-03-20T22:13:00.005-07:00

Enjoy! We are about to head down to check out, then have breakfast and go get Annie! :) :) :)

In region

2011-03-20T13:47:00.002-07:00

We are in region, just a quick update, since it is almost 11 pm here and we need to be up early! ;) We arrived in Sofia yesterday and drove out to Aryavna today. It is a beautiful region. The drive was a bit scary the last bit with the winding roads. Thank goodness Marty is such a good driver and God was surely watching over us. We will be going to pick up Annie between 8 and 8:30 am. It's kind of nice to get a glimpse of more of Bulgaria- it really is a beautiful country. I didn't get any photos today, first there was a heavy fog, then I felt a bit car sick, then got into my book and by the time I finished reading and was watching the drive, I'd forgotten about the camera. I will not forget it tomorrow!! I cannot wait to be reunited with our precious Annie! Kieran seems to be doing fine. Michelle says he will try to walk but will only take a few steps before sitting down and crawling. Since his x-rays showed nothing, the doctor thinks he just bruised the bone. Aunt Michelle is babying him as much as she can, I am sure, and I am sure Kieran is enjoying the attention! He sure seemed happy as a clam when we saw him on video messenger! And now it is past bedtime if we are going to get up on time!

About to board

2011-03-18T10:30:00.002-07:00

Our first flight! We are just waiting for our plane to land and empty so that we can board. They just announced that even though the plane is late landing, we are expected to land 24 minutes ahead of time in Chicago. Interesting, because we have less than an hour between connections and we might be running to make our next flight! ;) Say a prayer! We'll probably be checking in next from Germany!
Doesn't Evan look thrilled to be photographed? :) Notice there are no pictures of me. ;)

The winner of the table runner is...

2011-02-02T11:44:00.002-07:00

Robin T.!! :) Thank you all for your support! And since Aiden insisted on drawing a second name, Gianna M., you have won a yet to be determined price, also. ;) We raised $67 towards Annie's plane ticket home! That's not enough to cover it, but I have faith that He will multiply it! Thank you for being a part of our adoption journey!

Valentine's Day Table Runner Giveaway!

2011-01-21T15:05:00.002-07:00

Now that Annie is officially ours, we are getting REALLY close to traveling! I should know within a week or so just when I will be going to pick her up! That being said, we still need to raise about $5000. Plane tickets are more than I had anticipated. We are still hoping that by some miracle, Evan will be able to go and I will be asking his unit to consider it in the next few days.

In the mean time, I am offering up this gorgeous table runner to one of our amazing supporters. This table runner was hand made by a special lady, Nancy from Cache Creek Quilts. Nancy does AMAZING work. I admit, I am a little envious! My baby quilts look nothing like Nancy's handiwork! I purchased a pair of potholders from Nancy back in May. I was STUNNED when they arrived because they were so much nicer in person- the stitching detail is exquisite! When a good friend of mine loved my potholders, I kept an eye out for the same pair, as Nancy occasionally lists sets that are similar to a previous set. When Nancy didn't make any more, I contacted her and she went out of her way to make me another pair as similar to the first as she could. Again, AMAZING. Oh and I have never burnt myself with these potholders, unlike all of the store bought ones I've ever had. I've been wanting one of Nancy's table runners for a long time, not because I've ever used a table runner before, just because they are so beautiful and I've been thinking she probably showcases the same beautiful stitching on her runners as she does on her pot holders. When this little beauty arrived, I was giddy. Yep, it is just as beautiful as my potholders. Maybe more so. Here are some more pictures...you should click on them to enlarge them to get a better idea of just how awesome it is.

So... For every person that donates to our adoption fund, you'll be given a chance at this beautiful table runner. Here's how it works.

1. For every $6 donation, you get one chance.
For every $15 donation, four chances..
For every $20 donation, ten chances.
For every $50 donation, 50 chances and for everything over $50, you get one chance per $1.

2. Blog about the giveaway and link back, tweet, or post it to your FB, you'll get 1 chance, for a total of three chances possible. If you donate AND blog, tweet, and or FB, you'll get five chances for a total of 15 extra chances if you did all three. Please make sure to let me know by commenting or emailing me (bratrattery@aol.com). Thank you!

The chip in is open until February 1st. I will contact the winner immediately (so please make sure you check your email!) to get your address and ship it out so that you can enjoy it as soon as possible!

That's it, it's that easy. It would be amazing if we could raise enough to pay for Annie's plane ticket home, estimated to be $600. I know that is a pretty lofty goal, but I'm turning it over to God. Oh... and you'd want the chip in link to donate, right?

Thank you to everyone! I wish I could give all of my wonderful friends and family a table runner. Even if $6 doesn't seem like much to you, our amazing Lord will multiply it, just like the loaves and fish. Even if all you do is repost this, maybe that is all God is asking of you. They say it takes a village to raise a child- it takes one to bring home an orphan, too. Annie is just one child among 147 million orphans, it may seem futile to give one child a home- while bringing Annie home may not change the world, it will change Annie's world and ours. From the bottom of our hearts, thank you for your support.

P.s. If you get a chance, head on over to Nancy's Etsy shop for some beautiful pothotlders, quilts, and table runners. :) Here's her link again! Cache Creek Quilts.

P.p.s. If you are wondering, Nancy didn't pay me to advertise for her- I really admire her handiwork that much!! ;)

Link is working again!

2011-01-20T23:21:00.002-07:00

Our sponsorship link over on the right hand side bar is working again, I had to tweak the address in the thingy because RR changed the pages and deleted the .htm off the end. ;) Now to ask Lu to pretty please change the name on the tag to say Annie. Hee hee! Btw, for anyone interested and not on FB- our adoption is official!! Annie is now Annetta Marie Valerie Harris!!! :) How awesome is our God!!! The Awesomest! And I don't care if awesomest isn't a "real" word, our God is more than just awesome!

Annie's Hope bracelets

2011-01-15T20:07:00.006-07:00

Why Annie's hope? Because it was our hope to bring home our daughter (and we will!). Because it is my hope to inspire a spirit of hope in other orphans- through adoption and aid. Because it is my hope to instill in my children an attitud...e of serving and giving to others. Because God blesses us with hope, that when we are in a dark place, that He will bring us through it and give us light and though we may only be saving one starfish in a sea of 147 million, we have hope that others will see the incredible value of these amazing kids and feel in their heart the desire to bring hope to another child. This is the start of my Annie's Hope campaign and I hope to continue it long after she is home.

This Annie's Hope bracelet is made using Lilly Pulitzer fabric, cut into strips and braided into cord. The beautiful Asian inspired beads are a sweet compliment to the fabric and are held in place by knots in the braid. The heart shaped toggle closure is held in place with a silver jump ring. Altogether the bracelet measures approx. 7 1/8" from the heart to the bar of the toggle (not the ends of the fabric) and it does stretch slightly. If you would be interested in your own Annie's Hope bracelet, message me! I can make a few more like this one as well as others with different fabrics and beads.
The other two bracelets do not yet have toggles on them, so if you wish to choose a circle rather than a heart, you can. They are each a slightly different length. The all pink one is 7 1/8" so I'm guessing with toggles on, the one with the most green would be 7 1/4" or 7 3/8" and the one with more pink than green will be about 7 1/2"- just a guess, though! :)
The price of each bracelet is $8, this includes shipping. Email me at bratrattery@aol.com if you are interested in purchasing.

Yikes

2010-12-11T19:04:00.003-07:00

I know, I am such a slacker. I have been meaning to post forever. I even put little updates on Facebook. For some reason, though, updating the blog has been an obstacle I have struggled to overcome. I miss Annie SO MUCH. I miss Evan (my husband) SO MUCH. This adoption process and deployment seem like they will never end. I know that isn't true at all. I know we are closer to the end than to the beginning. It's just been a struggle lately to keep my spirits up. Two of my best friends moved away and that has been hard on the boys as well as me. Elijah has had a lot of issues adjusting to me being home again- even though I was only gone 12 days and we are going on two months being back home. I dread leaving him again, but I would dread taking him to Bulgaria more! ;) My mom will care for all three boys this next time (ok, at least that is the plan). Right now Elijah has been asking to go to Grandma's house every day, so I am hoping he will do well there! I think my mom's plan is to bundle him up and let him play outside in the dirt as much as possible, lol!
As far as the adoption, we are moving along! Our Article 5 was issued and should be submitted to the MOJ next week, along with the rest of our second stage documents. As long as there are no problems in our paperwork (and with our awesome attorney, I am confident there will not be any issues!), then the next step is to be issued a judge and wait for the judge to schedule a court date! :) :) As we draw closer to the end of our journey, I find myself more and more anxious to have Annie HOME. I often find myself wondering if she had a good day, if she has been sick (she seemed to be getting sick when I left), if she is eager to come home, if she misses me... Our last visit was HARD. I started to cry so many times and I think I did pretty good not blubbering the whole visit, I managed to hold it together until I got to my room that night. Annie was mad at me. She seemed to know I was leaving- I think her caregivers prepared her for my departure. I appreciated that, even if it was a hard last visit with her upset with me. :) Her caregivers are obviously fond of her, which gives me comfort. I just wish it weren't such a long process, but even so, I am glad that Hague is in place for the sake of the children. I have Annie's picture on my phone, on the counter, on my FB. I love seeing her smile multiple times a day and I am counting down the days until I can see her smile in person and hold her in my arms again!
I almost forgot! Molly, thank you so much for your support!! You have no idea how much we appreciate it! Jo, Annie is 5 years old. Are you adopting through AAC and Toni? I would love to hear about your journey! Thank you very much to all who have prayed for us, prayed with us, offered us moral support, purchased an item from us or donated. Someday I hope to show Annie just how much she was loved even before she came home. :)

Pictures from Day 4 Visit 1

2010-10-14T04:33:00.009-07:00

Day 3 pictures

2010-10-13T14:05:00.007-07:00

Day 3 Visit 2

2010-10-13T13:34:00.002-07:00

This afternoon's visit was wonderfully sweet. When we arrived, my sweet little monkey was in my arms before Toni could press record on the video camera. We had come later than the day before, but they were running late and the children were just finishing getting dressed. They had not yet had their afternoon snack, so after a few minutes, Annie was called to go have snack with the rest of the children. Annie's groupa has three main rooms- a dining room, a play room, and a bedroom. They also have two other rooms off of the play room- a bathroom and a smaller room with two large "windows" into the dining room, where the caretakers prepare their meals. There are two round child sized tables that the children sit at. Both times I have seen Annie have snack in there, she has sat at the table closest to the play room. Today they had these long, thick wafer cookies, which Toni later told me are called waffles. Annie quickly ate hers, pushed back her bowl of liquid untouched and ran into the play room. She is always one of the first to be done and only once have I seen her not finish every moresel of food she is given. Lol. Toni told me the liquid that she has refused two days in a row is herbal tea.

At Annie's request, I got out the coloring book and crayons and we started to color together. She knew I had a bottle of water with me and she kept taking drinks of water. She learned quickly on our morning visit that Mama will share her water, but not her soda (I don't let the boys drink soda, either), but she was quite happy to have the water. I think drinking out of a bottle is a novelty, as she kept going into the play room to show off her water bottle to her groupa. A few of the girls followed us back into the bedroom and one of them was coloring a bit, too. They call me Annie's Mama. :) After awhile, the other children were taken outside to play. This upset Annie a bit and eventually she ran off to try and join them. Right outside the door to their dining room is the door leading outside. I didn't chase her at first because one of the doors is usually closed and locked. I guess because all of the children except Annie were outside, the doors were left open and she ran outside without a jacket on. One of the caregivers was standing right outside the front door and she caught Annie by the arm. She was telling her something and Annie broke down in tears and I could tell she was asking to go outside repeatedly.
I walked back into the groupa area with her still sobbing. She only calmed down once Toni promised her that she could go outside after Marty came back. We talked with her friends through the window and her favorite caretaker, too. He has such a heart for the kids, it is so obvious that this man just adores the kids and they adore him. Annie calls him Mama & Daddy. :) There are at least two groupas here and for the first time, we saw another groupa outside at the same time as Annie's. All of the children appeared to know each other well, so I am pretty sure this is something they do frequently. The children from both groupas appeared to be about the same size range, although I do not know their ages. It seemed to me that there were more boys than girls in the other groupa (there are more girls than boys in Annie's), although I don't know for certain because I didn't count them. At one point, Annie and another little girl from the other groupa got into a little disagreement through the window. The girl spoke to me and when I didn't answer, as I had no idea what she was saying, she asked Annie, "Who's this?" which I did understand. Annie told her I am her mom and the other girl said, "No. Who's this?" Annie kept insisting I was her mama and the other girl kept giving her funny looks and asking who I was. Annie grew very insistent that da, this is my mama. The funny thing was that I was able to understand them. :)

After awhile, Marty came back in, signaling the end of our visit. One of the caretakers took Annie to get her dressed to go outside while Toni, Marty and I waited outside to say goodbye. I could hear many of the children from Annie's groupa saying something about Annie's mama and children from the other group asking who I was. They didn't seem to believe the other children until they heard from an adult that I was really Annie's mama. A few minutes later, Annie came out with her caretaker. She had changed into pants and she had a warm jacket on. She ran to me, which surprised me, because normally when her favorite caretaker is around, she runs to him. Toni and her favorite caretaker were telling her to hug mama, and she did, and kiss mama, and she did, but when they told her to tell me goodbye, she started sobbing. She clung to me and yelled and I was not able to set her down. I tried offering her to her favorite caregiver, but she told me no and continued to sob and hold on tight to me. I was trying not to cry and I very much wanted to hold her tight and take her with me, but of course I couldn't. I wouldn't leave with her crying, though, so after I handed her to her favorite caregiver and she was told I would come back tomorrow, I smiled at her and told her ciao. She didn't smile back, but she was no longer crying and she did finally tell me ciao. She continued to watch me as we walked away and I kept looking back and waving and her caretaker was comforting her, and they were both waving. It was so hard to leave her. Toni said it was a very good sign that she is becoming attached to me. I am glad, but at the same time, I wish my little girl did not have to hurt at all of our goodbyes. I can't wait until she will come home with me for good. And now, since I know everyone really just wants to see pictures, I will try to upload pictures before I go to bed! ;)

Day 3 Visit 1

2010-10-13T11:48:00.002-07:00

For this morning's visit, we drove to Shumen to get Annie's via photo done. We waited what seemed forever for Annie to be brought out, but finally there she was. We waited a bit longer for the sw, too, but finally we were off. Annie knows that I have her toys in my bad and she is not shy about asking for stuff! ;) We played with various toys on the way- it's not a far drive, but the winding roads and playing with Annie made me a bit carsick. Once in Shumen, it was VERY different. Shumen is more like a mini Sofia- gone is the small town feel of Kaspichan. It was pretty, but not pleasant. Crazy drivers everywhere, crazy pedestrians, too! I would have had a heart attack if I had to drive there, that is for sure! Marty is such a good driver!! The sw had to run an errand first and while he was off doing his errand, Annie wanted to play with the hair things I had brought, so out came her barrettes from the orphanage and we were combing her hair and putting her favorite purple clips in. :) The sw came back and we drove over to where we were going to have the photo taken. The shop was on a hill, it was scary how they had the parking, because no one stops for vehicles, they just step out in front of you, even if you are backing up! Thankfully Marty parked without running anyone over. ;) Toni could not come in with us, as there was just no way to get her chair in there... It really irks me that there are no ramps, no elevators, narrow doors, etc. I guess we take it for granted in the States. Of course, Toni doesn't complain at all, she is wonderful! So Marty, the sw, Annie and I went in. The sw tried to redo Annie's hair before her photos, which was really sweet. He obviously cares about her and he wanted her to look nice in her picture. He had some trouble getting her barrettes in her hair. He did not ask me for help and I did not offer, but only because I could not have done any better than he did, those bobby pin clips are difficult! I have no experience with doing hair! Lol!
Annie was so cute for her photo. The photographer took a dozen or so photos. The sw kept trying to get Annie to smile and look at the camera. She had a very fake smile pasted on her face. I kept laughing and she would dart her eyes to me really quick, her eyes sparkling, then she would look back with that fake smile. The second the photos were done she flashed us all her real, dazzling smile- what a stinker! I laughed, it seemed like she knew she was being mischieveous. She is so darling!

We returned to Toni at the van and Toni told me we would now wait 20 minutes for the photos to be done. Annie and I sat in the van, playing. Marty got me a coke to help settle my stomach and I saw my first soda in a plastic bottle since coming to Bulgaria. I was a little surprised. I definitely favor glass. Lol. But hey, coke is coke, and it definitely settled my stomach and woke me up a bit. :) The sw returned with this huge Hershey kiss shaped meringue bigger than the giant boxed Hershey kisses you see at holidays and handed it to Annie. When I asked Toni what it was, she told me it was called a kiss (I wonder if that is coincidence and which is named after which?) and that it is made from egg whites. I realized once Annie had it abotu halfway eaten that it was neither like our meringue cookies or meringue pie filling, but a combination of the two. It was hard meringue on the outside and marshmallowy sticky meringue on the inside. It was absolutely the messiest thing the sw could possibly have given her! Lol. She enjoyed it and at most of it, only leaving two small bites and a million crumbs. Hehe. With that, we were on our way. We had no car seat, so I had Annie buckled into the middle seat of the van, making sure that the seat belt was across her hips properly (yep, I'm a car seat fanatic, I almost had a panic attack thinking about her riding without a car seat, just wait for it...). All of a sudden the sw tries to pull her out of her seat. It took him 3 tries to realized she was buckled in, then he unbuckles her and stands her up (while Marty was driving, my heart was racing!) and he cleans off the seat. Before I know it, we have pulled over, someone else is getting in the van, and Annieis now in my lap. I held onto her for dear life, praying to God to keep her safe and not let us be in an accident. Lol, I think here it is not that unusual. They do have car seat laws and I think we were possibly breaking it, but exceptions are made. I felt horrible being buckled in while she wasn't.
Right after we got on the road, Annie started shouting something. I immediately had a feeling of what she was saying and my fear was confirmed when Toni turned to me and said, she needs to go potty. Marty pulled over to the side of the road and I had my first experience trying to take a little girl potty... on the side of the road. Lol! Annie did not appear happy about it, she would not take down her skirt and tights, but once I started to, she helped and she squatted to go. With only a little getting on her (my fault, not hers), we were ready to get back on the road. We made it safely back and she was off before I knew it and our visit was over. It was already past her lunch time.

I was EXHAUSTED, having gotten up at 5 in the morning to deal with issues back home. That is a whole 'nother story. ;) But thankfully, I have wonderful people taking care of my kids and everything was worked out by the time it was time to go down for breakfast. Since I hadn't slept much, I opted to skip lunch and catch up on sleep. And now... while I have videos loading, I am off to relax in the beautiful tub I have in the bathroom here. Evan keeps thinking we are not in a good hotel, but he is mistaken. I am really happy with out hotel. It may be a small place, but the room is very nice! I am a little inexperienced working the heater and it took the hot water a little bit to heat up (but it is now fixed!), otherwise, this is an amazing little place. :) Much, much better than I had anticipated when Toni told me the area was very small! I love it! I will upload pictures and post about the second visit before I go to bed. We had a very nice but emotional second visit today. It is going to kill me to leave Annie on Friday. The only thing that will keep me going is knowing I will see Kieran Saturday night, then Aiden and Elijah on Sunday night. I can't wait for ALL of us to be at home together instead of everyone scattered around the world!!

Day 2 Visit 1

2010-10-12T04:50:00.004-07:00

This posted will be edited later to add text, but for now, enjoy the pictures!

AOL not working

2010-10-11T22:49:00.001-07:00

AOL is not working this morning, so I am unable to read email or send email. :( Just wanted to post it here so my gorgeous husband can see this and not be worried! ;) I love you Evan, thank you so much for remembering my birthday. I didn't even remember! And now I am off to finish getting ready, I am running late! I am exhausted this morning!

Day 1 afternoon visit

2010-10-11T11:06:00.008-07:00

This afternoon we went for a walk with Annie and the social worker. We walked to a little cafe and had drinks at an outside table. Annie had been carrying a little package with her which turned out to be a croissant. The sw ordered banana nectar for her. She ate and drank with singleminded passion. Lol! She is serious about her food! The sw told us she likes everything except for fish. :) I am just amazed at this sweet, beautiful little girl. After she was done eating, I got out the color wonder coloring set I had brought. It worked okay at first, but then the tip of the marker started flaking off and pretty soon it didn't work... So I broke out the foam stickers I had brought. Note to self- I should have opened the bag of stickers and put them into small ziploc baggies so she would have had multiple bags and I could have just pulled one baggie out a day... She kept the whole bag of stickers, lol! At first she just handed me stickers she wanted me to stick on the coloring book, but then she started sticking them on herself. :) We never did get to her pulling the backs off, but I am not sure she can. She appears to be delayed in fine motor skills. She had trouble putting popsicle sticks into a bag, too, like she could use a bit of work on her hand eye coordination. No biggie. After everyone was done and we'd visited for awhile, we walked back to the orphanage, but a different way than we had come. Bulgaria is really amazing. It is SOOOO beautiful. I am constantly surprised by some things, though! Like the lack of handicap accessibility! Toni said there are laws, but they are ignored and not enforced. :( Also, there is some prejudice against darker skin, which we see in the states, too, some places more than others, but still there for sure. I guess it was a shock for people to see a blond woman carrying a child with darker skin. One woman even grabbed her child and pulled her away. I was a little perturbed at first, but then I realized why we were getting looks, but I was so thrilled with my little girl, I could not stop smiling and finally, one of the mothers we passed smiled back at me. :)
When we got back to the orphanage, Annie cried for me to put her down and she ran to her favorite caregiver and wanted nothing more to do with Mama. She did give me a hug when he told her to, lol, but she went right back to him. That was very encouraging! She is very much attached to him, it is very sweet. :) Overall it was a very good day. I am looking forward to tomorrow! Oh and when we got back to the hotel, we got some very good news, too! Toni had missed a call and when she returned it, she found out that one of her other families adoption had sucessfully gone through court! :) This family has been in process for quite some time and had many obstacles, so it is such a blessing for them that they are so close to coming back to pick up their kids!! :) :) :) Great end to a great day!!!

First meeting

2010-10-11T03:24:00.002-07:00

I want to remember every second. It was amazing!!! Better than I ever hoped. I wasn't expecting to meet her so quickly. We had passed the orphanage driving into town yesterday, when I saw it I was sure that was it, so when we pulled up this morning, I recognized it. It had the colorful fence around it that I have seen in other's journeys, the colorful outdoor toys, the swings... It's like my heart would have recognized anywhere that this was an orphanage. We had seen several other children's places (schools, playgrounds?) but they were slightly more modern. We went in, Toni, Marty and I. We could not fit into what I assumed was the director's office. The director, social worker, and Toni had a short discussion, then we were led into another room, at first I assumed to talk before meeting Annie. We walked into a room with small tables, I knew we were about to meet my daughter. Next to the room with the tables, was a decent sized room with a dozen or so children. Before I could single Annie out, a little girl ran up and threw herself at me, yelling, "Mama! Mama!" I picked her up, but I couldn't get a good look at her, but I was sure it was her. I asked Toni, "Is this Annie?" She smiled and said, "Yes." I think I about cried. I was holding my little girl! She wanted me to hold her for the first few minutes. We walked into the next room, I am assuming where the children sleep, because there were toddler sized beds throughout the room as well as dresses and a couch. Someone brought chairs in and Toni said I could sit down with Annie on the couch. (It looked like it might be a pull out bed, maybe for a caregiver?).

I just looked at Annie for a few minutes, but after a bit, I got out some toys for her. She was very excited. One of her caregivers gave her a little purse to play with. It looked like they had opened new toys for them. Most of the children were neatly dressed. Annie had on a cream colored top and a denim skirt with thick cream tights. Very cute! They were slightly large, but I imagine it is difficult to find clothing that fits her length that isn't too large! She is very petite. She has the cutest little hairstyle. Her eyes shine so bright and they are so dark they appear black. She has a smile that can light a room. Her profile describes her as radiant and radiant she is! She repeats words, she names objects, she says sentences. I would say she talks at least as well as Elijah. Toni said she is not nearly as delayed as her profile stated (it is also from earlier in the year, though). She has a favorite caregive that she is an attached to, an elderly gentleman. They brought him in for a few minutes and she cuddled up to him, obviously attached to him and enjoying his attention. She loved getting attention and toys from me. She called her friend in to play with her and the two girls played very nicely with a ball together. They would yell, "Dobka!" and kick or throw the ball around the room. Darling!! The social worker said this other little girl is Annie's close friend. :) She does seem able to attach, but not overly friendly. I did not get out all of the toys. She got a bit overwhelmed and cranky. She kept going back into the room with the other children and showing them her toys, but not wanting them to take them away from her. :) She cried when I left and wrapped her arms around me for a hug. My sweet little girl!! I can't wait to go back and see her this afternoon! And now, my lunch is here, so I am off to eat!!

The moment I have been waiting for

2010-10-11T02:25:00.005-07:00

I met my beautiful, precious little girl!! She is just amazing!

In Sofia!

2010-10-09T20:42:00.002-07:00

I am in Sofia, relaxing at the hotel. It is Sunday morning here, and in a few hours, we will be on our way to Valerie's region! Ahhhh!!! :D I am so excited. The hotel here in Sofia is really nice. My attorney, Toni, is wonderful! I have a cell phone that she gave me. Skype is not working out too well so far, but I was able to buy a calling card. A sweet friend of mine offered to take care of my skype for me (it's probably not going through because I am trying to run my cc while in Bulgaria), but I am not positive (or don't remember, not sure which) that the hotel in Kaspitchan has internet, so I may have to use the calling card anyway, so I figured I'd wait and see. ;) The boys are doing well back home. Aiden and Elijah have not even really noticed I am gone, they are having too much fun. Kieran is having a bit of a hard time, he misses Mommy and brothers, but Grandma is taking wonderful care of him. :) My mom is so awesome. I am so glad that I don't have to worry about my boys. I do worry a little that Kieran is wearing my mom out, but I know she is taking great care of him. The other boys I am not even concerned about, but in a few days I might worry about Kimmy's sanity. Lol! I haven't talked to Evan yet since I've been here, but he sent me an email saying he would be online soon, so I am waiting to take my shower until he shows up. I forgot a breast pump, so I think I will be taking a lot of showers, if possible, to help relieve my discomfort. I'm a little concerned about developing mastitis or milk fever, hopefully that does NOT happen!! Prayers appreciated, getting sick while in Bulgaria is the last thing I need! It is still dark here, but once it is light I will try to take a few pictures. The hotel here in Sofia is really nice! I'll try to take tons of pictures on the way to Valerie's region, too. I received some updated paperwork from Toni on Valerie. It goes a bit more into detail on her disabilities, but I don't really know anymore than I did, except that they expect her to be permanently mentally deficit. My poor baby. I am hoping that when she gets home, she will prove them wrong, prove that all she needed was a loving family. BUT God called us to Valerie, and no matter what her needs are, we will love and cherish our little girl! She has grown some, but according to the report she has only gained a pound in the last year. She is 36" tall and 23 lbs, so she is quite small for her age as well as being quite underweight even for her height. I'll see tomorrow for myself! I can't wait!!!!

Take off!

2010-10-08T10:13:00.002-07:00

I am in Denver now, flight one of four is over! I have been away from Aiden and Elijah for a bit over 24 hours and Kimmy assures me they are doing fine. Regarding them, I have no worry. Kimmy is an excellent mother- mothering is her thing and she is just such a loving person, I know the boys are in good hands. The same with Kieran, God worked out the child care options quite well I think. My mom is wonderfully patient and loving, I know Kieran is in good hands- but him I worry about just because of the whole nursing and sleeping thing. Please pray that the boys would do fine in my absence and that my mom and Kimmy would not have too many separation issues or sleeping issues! I will post again when I get to Bulgaria!!

Countdown!

2010-10-05T10:23:00.002-07:00

I fly out in two days to take Kieran to Grandma's house. Then early Friday morning, I'M LEAVING ON A JET PLANE!!! :) I get to spend my birthday with my DAUGHTER!! I am so excited, nervous, and anxious! I am leaving the boys in GOOD hands, but I still worry. Kieran has never spent a night away from me. My mom, of course, is great with kids, she raised five of her own and had a home day care for years. I just worry that my baby is going to miss me, especially at night, and that my mom might not sleep for about a week. A dear friend is keeping Aiden and Elijah. They will have SO much fun there. K & G have four kids of their own and all of the kids adore each other. I feel very blessed that I have such wonderful people to care for my boys... But I will miss them! Not to mention, the only time I have flown internationally, my husband was there to meet me. Now, Toni will be there to meet me (Thank God!), but I am still a little nervous! She said while I am there she will be the mama duck and I will be her baby duck- believe me, I am GRATEFUL to be a baby duck to her mama duck! Lol! I will post pictures and videos as I can, so stay tuned in!! :)

God is Faithful

2010-09-13T17:47:00.002-07:00

We are still waiting for our referral, but we KNOW GOD IS FAITHFUL. We are in the process of organizing some fundraisers. I am very nervous! Please pray for success for our fundraisers and peace for me! The idea of leaving my kids and traveling to Bulgaria alone has me panicking. Having Evan home has been wonderful, but sad at the same time as his visit is drawing to a close. Hopefully I will have a lot of good news this weekend!! Keep an eye out for the blog auction, it is going to have some really neat items!! :)

Still Waiting...

2010-08-27T16:06:00.006-07:00

Our dossier has been in country for over a month. Unfortunately, the MOJ did not meet the last Friday of July. If they had, we would have been issued our referral and been able to travel the first half of September. The MOJ will not meet again until the first Friday in September- a week from TODAY!!! So hopefully in a week we will be issued our verbal referral and shortly after that I will be on my way to meet Valerie!! :) :) :)

Elijah started back to school this week and Aiden and I started home schooling. It's been a busy but fun week! Aiden likes home schooling a lot more than he thought he would! I am liking it, too. We are not using any particular curriculum right now, so it is a bit challenging finding things that are educational and fun. I have a post, complete with pictures, planned about our first day of school- I just need to find the time to do it!

Evan will be home on leave soon, so I am in a rush to 1. clean the house!! and 2. get crafting done for a blog auction I am planning! I'll be auctioning quilts, hats, jewelry (my own designs and a few Premier Designs pieces!), stationary, watches, and MORE! So... a preview!

(Note: Baby will not be auctioned off, just the hat.)

Update

2010-07-12T22:30:00.002-07:00

Our dossier took off Saturday and should be safely in country. :) :) :) We were blessed that another family volunteered to hand carry it on their first trip, so I only had to express it to them. I am so excited for them that they are meeting their children this week!! I cannot wait to be in their shoes, hopefully in two months!!! I have a very big prayer request... We need to raise $4000 in the next few weeks and another $4000-5000 within a few weeks of that. I need to have a yard sale. I need to sell some Etsy stuff (planning a fundraiser). I need to sell the car. Right now I am feeling so STUCK. I am terrified that I will fail to raise the money. I know God is bigger than this... Please pray with me, as I turn this over to Him, that He would provide. That I would have the opportunity to do what I need to do to raise this money and that I would get it done. I am so scared of failing Valerie... Please pray that God will be in charge of this, that I will let go and let God and that He would be glorified in this. Please pray for reassurance and peace for me, because I am a bundle of nerves right now. And please pray that it would be possible for Evan to accompany me to meet our daughter. It would mean so much to both of us if he could go! Thank you!!

Been Awhile

2010-07-02T22:11:00.003-07:00

Yikes! I have been neglecting my blog lately! Well, the good news is that we have our I-797, so as soon as I go get our documents apostilled... we can send off our dossier. Well... We still need to raise $2000. By the end of next week. That is MY goal, because I don't feel that we have any right to keep Valerie waiting for a family any longer than necessary! My little girl needs to come home ASAP! So please pray that we will be able to raise the $2000 we need. We are selling our Saturn and our truck to pay for adoption expenses- if we sell both vehicles for what we'd like to get, we will have enough to pay the remainder of our agency fees and we will only need to raise the money for the trips. Trip two will be easy because I will have enough time between trip one and two to save. Trip one and the agency fees are the big deal, especially since we need $2000 ASAP (a total of $4000, we have $2000 in savings) and then another $4000 in about a month. I am confident that our Lord is faithful and that He will provide. :) But a little prayer never hurt.
Our other news- Aiden was diagnosed with a food allergy. He is allergic to corn. This has proved to be incredibly difficult. I struggle with getting him to eat daily as well as finding things that are corn free. Corn seems to be in EVERYTHING. It is the main filler in the United States! If you look at the ingredients list of an item- any time you see caramel color, maltodextrin, food starch, or citric acid- chances are those are CORN based! So it's not just the obvious I have to be on the look out for! Initially I thought, oh corn isn't bad, at least it isn't dairy- but wait! Another mom informed me that it COULD be dairy, too- because sometimes a person can be so sensitive they can't have things like eggs or dairy- because the animals they come from eat corn!!! For now I am only cutting out obvious corn ingredients, working my way up to the possible ones, like citric acid. Aiden will have another endoscopy in 6-8 weeks and if his esophagus is still looking bad, our next step is to cut out dairy. :( I have NO idea how that will be possible!! Right now Aiden will reliably eat cheese. And peanut butter. I did find a few yummy corn free recipes- pizza hut style pizza, home made mac and cheese, and some bread that is corn free. He is eating a little better than he was! :)
He is such a trooper and I am so proud of him! He is starting to try new things, maybe no big deal for some kids, but major for him! He tried my home made mac and cheese, something he has refused to do in the past! He also tried organic fruit snacks today and decided he likes them! He tried organic lollipops yesterday and loves those, too. He is discovering that there are yummy substitutes and that he doesn't need to have his same brands. :)
In other big news, Kieran is walking pretty good these days! He takes more and more steps all the time and somehow when I wasn't looking... he is now walking more than he crawls. How did I miss it? Did I blink??? He is such a little stinker. He gets into everything and then when I look at him, he turns on the charm with that dimpled smile and those big blue eyes!
Elijah has learned a new word. What. "Elijah, no." "No, what?" "Elijah, don't hit." "Elijah don't hit what?" Lol! He has been struggling recently, I think the whole summertime craziness, schedules changing all the time is tough on him. His speech therapist went on vacation, then his behavioral therapist went on vacation... Poor baby! He is so amazing, though. He acquires new skills and words all the time. He is now feeding himself completely and while he is quite messy, it is a big accomplishment! He suckered me for a scoop of ice cream tonight, even though he didn't quite finish his dinner. He and Aiden have those huge brown eyes, I can't resist them! :) (Besides, they ARE skinny, they can use the calories!)
Evan is doing okay in Afghanistan. He is currently gaming one night a week, they may be able to do it two nights a week and that is SUCH a big stress reliever for him! I am so thankful that he has this opportunity to just relax and have a bit of fun. He received the mattress topper I purchased for him and he says he is sleeping a lot better now. :) He is still getting sick from the food frequently, but hopefully the food gets better!! He has received a few care packages and he is so thankful for the support of friends and family. I know he is really homesick, but he seems to be doing a bit better these days. I am so proud of him. Some days I think that I have it hard, dealing with the day to day life stuff and the kid issues, etc., but at least I have that. I am here with the kids. I am not missing anything (besides Evan of course). I am in the thick of things. He may not have to deal with a dirty house and screaming children, but that is exactly what he is missing. That's exactly what he WANTS to be doing, not living in a plywood tent and eating food that makes him sick, providing communications and missing a year of his children's lives. So yeah... Sometimes I think I got the short end of the stick... But most of the time, I know that HE did. He is so selfless, too. He refuses to spend more than $20 every two weeks on himself- and a lot of the time I have to coax him into taking $20 for himself!
And lastly... I am going to ask for your prayers in another adoption matter. We have been considering adopting a second child. We are uncertain as to what we should do but we are open to God's will. Will you pray with us that He would show us what His will is for our family and that we would not be hesitant in doing His will? Thank you so much for your prayers and support! :)

Introducing... The Little Leader

2010-06-24T17:14:00.006-07:00

Do you have a child that wants his independence, but needs a constant reminder to stay by your side? Check out the Little Leader. It is a physical, visual reminder for your child to stay close to you. You can buckle it onto a shopping cart, a stroller, or even your belt buckle. (Please use common sense and do not buckle to a moving vehicle, a dog, a child's neck, etc.) I designed this with my three year old in mind. He is autistic and often does not pay attention when his name is called and he does not like his hand being held, but he wanted some freedom. If allowed to walk on his own, he will run off and must be chased down. Once we started using the Little Leader, outings got a lot easier.

The Little Leader measures approximately 47" long unbuckled (or can be made in a custom length; the gray Little Leader pictured is only 29.25"). The buckle is adjustable, so you can buckle it to a cart, a stroller, your own wrist, a backpack- just make sure it is something safe. ;) I have on occasion looped the Little Leader back through the handle and used the buckle on Elijah's wrist as needed- generally a reminder and a "if you let go again, you will have to get buckled" (ride in the stroller, cart, whatever) works fine. He sees his wrist being buckled as a loss of freedom (since he can't let go) so he is motivated to hold on.
If you wish to order a Little Leader, the cost is $10, including shipping to US (international available, a $2 extra fee will apply). I can do the above colors. The one with the autism puzzle pieces is ribbon sewn on to the poly webbing. I will be doing a pink one with ribbon sewn on as well. Thanks for looking!!

Guess who is who

2010-06-08T20:17:00.003-07:00

And just because this picture cracks me up!!!

Books For Sale

2010-06-07T12:20:00.002-07:00

Prices listed, I will charge actual shipping, buyer's preference of priority or book rate. We are almost ready to send our dossier to Bulgaria, just waiting on the I-800A fingerprint appointment and approval... So we will have a financial need of $4000 to send with dossier and another $4000 a few weeks later. Everything I can think of to sell that is not nailed down...Lol. I am starting with all of my crafting books. Please email me off list if you are interested or if you would like more details for any of the books. Thanks!

Noah's Ark for Baby baby animals and 6 afghans to crochet. Used book in excellent condition. Retails $5.50, asking $3.

Fun with Flannel 15 Home Decor Projects Quilts and More. Used book in excellent condition. Retails for $11.95, asking $8.

Sweetie Pie The Richard Simmons Private Collection of Dazzling Desserts. Used book in excellent condition. Retails for $22, asking $12.

Hip Handbags Creating & Embellishing 40 Great-Looking Bags. Used book in excellent condition. Retails for $14.95, asking $8.

Quilts for Kids. Used book in good condition, front cover has creasing on one corner. Retails for $19.99, asking $10.

Rolling Along Easy Quilts from 2 1/2" strips Brand new book. Retails for $24.95, asking $12.

24-Hour Quilts Used book in excellent condition. Retails for $14.95, asking $8.

M'Liss Rae Hawley's fat quarter quilts. Brand new book. Retails for $25.95, asking $12.

More Quilts for Baby Easy as ABC. Used book in excellent condition. Retails for $16.95, asking $10.

quilts, bibs, blankies... oh my! Create your own cute and cuddly nursery. Used book in good condition. The front cover has creases on one corner, the rest of the book is like new, patterns have never even been unfolded. Retails for $26.95, asking $12.

Sew Pretty Christmas Homestyle. Brand new book. Retails for $24.99, asking $12.

Sew Fabulous Fabric. Brand new book. Retails for $22.99, asking $12.

Guide to Knitting Learn to knit with more than 30 cool, easy patterns. Brand new book. Retails for $17.95, asking $12.

The Knitter's Bible Knitted Afghans & Pillows. Brand new book. Retails for $19.99. Asking $12.

Witness A Miracle

2010-05-31T21:29:00.002-07:00

Today, I witnessed a miracle. It was amazing. A fellow RR family member posted her adoption situation- they have been in the process of adopting "Russell" (whom they plan to name Tanner) from Eastern Europe for a loooong time. He is already five years old, which is not a good thing for a child with DS, because they usually get transferred to the institution at four. Their entire process has been held up by one document. A family member owns their home and rents it to them. He refused to sign the document stating he owns their home and they are tenants in good standing. Why? He doesn't agree with what they are doing (adopting a special needs child as their first child). Finally, he told them they could have the document for $1000. Yep, you read that right. A family member told them for $1000, they could have a document. Something that would cost him maybe five minutes of his time.
Well, within minutes of the news, donations started pouring and by late this afternoon, the Montilone family had $1000. How AWESOME is our God? :)

In adoption news... I have none. :( But I am really hoping (and praying) that my fingerprint letter comes tomorrow!! Or at least before Friday!! Aiden has an appointment in Tucson on Friday and it would be great if I could just make one trip for both things- it would save on gas! :)
In other news... Kieran is consistently taking 2-4 steps at a time. I am so proud of my baby! Elijah is doing great talking and communicating his needs and wants. He even told me he loved me the other day AND asked for a hug! :) :)
Aiden was officially diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome on Wednesday, so he should be eligible for ABA soon, possibly respite, too- which means I would be able to occasionally get out of the house with just Kieran- or I could pay for a sitter just for Kieran and go out kid free. That is kind of a scary thought. Lol!! Not sure if this will work, but I am trying to upload a video of Kieran taking steps. Enjoy!

Some Like it Hot

2010-05-28T14:56:00.002-07:00

It has been HOT here lately! We took advantage of it today and I set up the boys' new sprinkler in the back yard (after I spent almost an hour cleaning up dog poop, yuck). The boys had a good time and then they came inside and wanted more water time in the form of a bath. :) Things have been pretty hectic since school got out between being sick and the boys bickering. I am hoping they settle down as they get used to the summer routine! Kieran tries so hard to keep up with the big boys. Sometimes he just can't get around fast enough by crawling and he will get up and do a cute little ape gallop on his hands and feet. I'll have to try to get a picture of it! He makes more progress with walking and is now taking 2-3 steps before falling. Yesterday he took two steps, crouched down and picked up something off the floor, then stood up and took another step before plopping on his bottom. He is just too cute!
I received a letter from USCIS on Monday that they had received our i800a application and that we should receive our fingerprint appointment letters shortly. I can't wait!! We will be walking down to the mailbox in a bit to check the mail. The darn post office isn't always very reliable (and I KNOW how they work because I worked there for a year and my mom has worked there for like 20 years). Update- still no fingerprint appointment. I am so sad!!

I think we are all clear

2010-05-24T08:57:00.002-07:00

Of course, I may have just jinxed myself... But it has been over 24 hours since anyone puked, so I think we may be okay. Kieran started throwing up Thursday morning and vomited all morning, stopped in the afternoon and kept liquids down and acted fine... For some reason middle of the night and early morning because puke time but during the day he would be fine other than being a bit whiny and clingy. Friday evening I started puking. In the middle of the night Elijah started puking, which was the absolute WORST. Try explaining to an autistic preschooler about vomit and why he should let Mommy hold him and possibly holding a bowl in front of him... It was horrible, he was screaming and rolling around on the floor in a full fledged tantrum. I ended up picking him up and sitting him in the bathtub and he calmed down a bit, but he continued to cry. It was so heartbreaking.
Saturday we slept most of the day and Aiden was a champ and played quietly. Saturday evening I felt well enough to do laundry and when I got up to start it Elijah threw up on the floor outside the laundry room door. We'd only had crackers and water all day, so it wasn't as gross as the night before. ;)
Yesterday we hung around the house most of the day, but we did have to go out to get a few essentials and I took my phone to Verizon to have it checked out since it stopped working Friday night... and while it is currently functioning for the most part, the email function isn't working again. Sigh. Apparently the 'update' Blackberry did a month or so ago had issues and is causing problems. It seems to me that they would do extensive testing before releasing (and requiring!) the update and fix the glitches beforehand! I am not thrilled with Blackberry right now!
And another quite annoying thing- I just got a call from the rehab center and Aiden's authorization for physical therapy has still not been sent out yet. It's not even our insurance. It's the rehab center. I am so frustrated. I think this week will be his 6th missed appointment! Why is it taking so long to get the REQUEST done?? :( In the meantime, I guess I am just going to work on therapy things at home!

Last day of preschool

2010-05-23T11:04:00.014-07:00

Friday was Aiden's last day of preschool. I made him a crown that said kindergarten in some of his favorite colors and surprised it with him when I picked him up from school. He loved it. So did Elijah, lol, I had to make Elijah one, too. Elijah helped me to pick out the colors for his. We've all been pretty sick, I will try to update about that later!

Trying to Update

2010-05-17T15:45:00.003-07:00

Whew! Well, our i800a was sent off on Saturday- I had some last minute questions for our caseworker and I figured it wouldn't get there before Monday whether I sent it Friday or Saturday. It should have arrived in Texas today by 3 pm. Yay. :) Now we wait for my fingerprint appointment! I am praying that they will have no issues with Evan's prints, which he obtained here on post before he left! I think I should be getting notice of an appointment in the next two weeks, unless they are going to request additional info, which they hopefully won't.
Yesterday we spent the day at the doctor then hospital, it was not a fun day. Aiden woke up not feeling well and by early afternoon he looked horrible, so I rushed him to the doctor and they sent us to the ER. He was vomiting, couldn't keep anything down, complaining that he couldn't breathe, and he was pale and lethargic. Once we got to the ER, we waited a few hours (of course), but they eventually took us to a room and hooked him up to an IV. Once he had an IV and an anti-emetic, he perked right up and we were discharged, but it was after 10 pm before we got home. The other boys did great at the hospital, considering all we did was wait around for 7 hours. Elijah slept the first few hours, but Kieran was awake and a bit cranky that I wouldn't let him roam at will.
Today Aiden is feeling fine, although I kept him home from school. Ok, I kept both boys home from school because Kieran hardly slept last night, Aiden kept waking up having to pee but refusing to go (and whining and writhing in discomfort), and then Elijah tried getting us all up at 6 something... Elijah went back to sleep after a bit and we eventually got up about 9-9:30, too late for Elijah to go to school. Kieran had two teeth break through during the night- I am guessing that is why he was so fussy and had trouble sleeping! He now has seven teeth- four on top and three on bottom. He is armed and dangerous, lol.

Hague Approved Homestudy!

2010-05-12T20:59:00.001-07:00

I received word last week that our home study had been Hague approved and would be sent out on Monday- and I received the approval today!! I am so excited!! Now if only I could get the kids to sleep so I could work on filling out the i800a paperwork! Lol! I am excited!!

In case you are interested

2010-05-11T23:17:00.003-07:00

This is Evan's room in A-stan. I can't quite make heads or tails of how big it is based on these pictures. Two of their soldiers were sent elsewhere and they might be getting one as a replacement, so Evan claimed the extra bed so he has two twin beds pushed together. I think this is to make up for the fact that at home, he gets a small slice of our bed, as Elijah and Kieran are always flailing around for more room. Lol! His did find a bottom sheet that someone else had left behind and he uses his poncho liner to cover the other mattress. His sleeping bag is on top of that. He is sure living high on the horse, isn't he? It makes me feel very grateful for our beautiful house with air conditioning and heating, a comfortable bed with pillows, sheets, and blankets; hot water; water that won't kill me to drink; a fridge and a computer; and many other luxuries that I often take for granted. It makes me feel badly for him, but he tells me that he is grateful for the chance to provide for his family and serve his country. I love my husband so much!!

Emotional Day

2010-05-11T21:54:00.002-07:00

I am going to try to keep this real... So I will share our difficulties as well as our triumphs. Most of you know that we committed to Natalia and Yuri in January 2008 and in November/December (I'll be honest, I don't remember the exact date, it was a time I'd like to forget) Evan's first sergeant sabotaged our adoption. We had been struggling with him since he arrived at the unit in September 2008. Over the last year and a half, I have come to believe with all of my heart that this man is a tool of satan (he doesn't deserve his name to be capitalized, right?).
Not only that, but when he discovered that I was pregnant about the same time, he vowed to make our lives hell and for a time he did succeed. I had a difficult pregnancy. There were many times when I really should have been in the hospital receiving an IV drip for dehydration, but Evan was not allowed to take me and I didn't think I could handle the other two boys (Elijah was not medicated at this time and we were having a very difficult time with him) at the hospital, nor did I think the hospital would actually allow me to keep the boys with me. I was terrified that if I tried to go to the hospital with the boys and I told them I had no one to take care of them while I was hooked up to an IV, they would call child protective services. Looking back, I think I was a bit irrational because of the pregnancy hormones and how miserable I was feeling both physically and emotionally, but in my defense, when Aiden broke his arm during Evan's first deployment and I refused to chose between the boys and insisted that Elijah be allowed to stay at the hospital with Aiden and I (he was 3 months old and exclusively breastfed), this prompted a child abuse investigation (which was declared unfounded). But I have since become a little suspicious of hospitals and their "best intentions," as clearly I was in a difficult situation and they were not willing to work with me when I refused to leave Aiden's side or find someone to take Elijah.
Back to first sergeant- during the first half of my pregnancy, he kept Evan at work late every night- some nights as last as 10:30 and several weekends a month he worked one or both days of the weekend as well, also until about 10 at night. It was a difficult and dark time in our lives. Evan and I were struggling with the guilt of leaving Natalia and Yuri in the institution, the guilt of being pregnant (because I worried people would think we had "backed out" due to the pregnancy, which was NOT the case), the misery of me being pregnant and being sick 24/7. Add to that the difficulties we experienced with Elijah- a child who had never been affectionate or cuddly, who seemed to never sleep, who suddenly began attacking his older brother with the slightest provocation, or none at all. I couldn't leave the boys alone together for even a minute, lest Elijah go into a rage and attack Aiden, biting him and breaking his skin. Aiden was often covered in bruises (as was I) from Elijah's rage and we had no idea what to do to help him. We were on a wait list to see a developmental pediatrician and were waiting for the insurance and military bases to get on the same page so we could take him to a doctor five hours away at another military base. Add to that Evan being gone all the time at work- and being miserable at work and at home.
Even now it is painful to think about that time. The few times I saw the first sergeant, I was overcome with such hatred, it made me ashamed of myself. Elijah was diagnosed with moderate autism right around his second birthday and started on medication, but then his doctor ETSed from the Army and we were left trying to find someone to take over dispensing his medicine and monitoring his progress on it.
After awhile things got a little better. We began working with a child psychiatrist, through the state, and they also began services for an infant and child behavioral health therapist (I think that is the title, anyway...). With Kieran's birth, things at home improved drastically. I was no longer sick all the time and we now had this beautiful, amazing little guy. He didn't replace Natalia and Yuri in our hearts, but he sure helped to ease the pain. Things improved a bit at work for Evan. The company now had a new commander who, while not willing to outright go against the first sergeant, was trying to balance things out a bit.
First sergeant has continued to make our lives difficult- and not just us. I have not spoken with a single person in the unit who is fond of him. I have come to believe that this man does not respect the institution of the United States Army at all. As much as I may say I dislike the Army, I believe in what it stands for and I am proud of Evan. This man, as far as I can tell, is all about power and abusing that power. I will not speculate as to how he rose to the position of first sergeant when he is so clearly undeserving of that honor.
I thought that I had forgiven him, if not for everything, at least for his part in ensuring our failure. I don't think he is completely to blame, I think that we were fearful and allowed ourselves to be bullied. I am ashamed to admit that, but it's true. We were bullied and instead of standing fast in the power and glory of the Lord, we cowered and gave in. We didn't stand and fight for what we believe in. We were so unsure of ourselves and convinced of our failure. We were beaten down. It is not a good feeling to know that not only did we fail, but that we allowed ourselves to fail and allowed satan his win.
Last night was a clear reminder, not only of that incredibly painful and difficult time, but that I have not forgiven this man. Honestly, right now I don't know if it is possible for me to do. Because now I have had the displeasure of meeting this man's wife and I now hold her with the same contempt that I hold her husband. I cried last night like I haven't cried in a long time. My heart hurt so much and I am so thankful that my sweet husband was able to call me and let me pour my heart out to him. I attended an FRG meeting last night. I suppose I should have realized that the first sergeant's wife might be there and that, having been married to him for long enough to have teen aged children, that she might be as unpleasant as he. Honestly, it never crossed my mind at all.
There has been talk for some time of the unit moving to Texas several months after redeployment. When the subject was brought up and discussed, I asked about staying here- because Elijah would lose his state insurance (which allows him to have some services that Tricare does not provide, even though Tricare does pay for most of these services, if that makes any sense). It came up that the unit, specifically first sergeant, has not been supportive since the boys were diagnosed. It was that moment that I realized the woman sitting across the table from me was first sergeant's wife- because she said, "Don't hate me because my husband is the only one doing his job and the rest of y'alls are worthless." I could literally feel my blood pressure rising. Throughout the meeting, as spouses had questions and they were answered, she made several more similar comments. Like how we had better not have problems that involve her husband because then she has to listen to him b*$%^ about our s$%# (her words!) on skype- and might I add that where MY husband is, the internet connection cannot support skype or any kind of video chat, voice chat, or anything similar. It took Evan an hour this morning to send me a few pictures, which were very poor quality. But that is a different matter altogether.
This woman criticized everything the spouses said- not loudly so everyone could hear (like the rear D commander and 1st Sgt), just loud enough so that everyone at our table could hear. She made nasty comments about spouses as they took turns asking questions. She made nasty comments about our soldiers- the guys that are over there risking their lives so she could have the right to talk trash about them. She wanted to know how she had the bad luck for her husband to get stuck on this deployment when he had managed to evade them for the last 17 years- which if you are Army, you KNOW what this says about this man's character and loyalty to this country. When the presentation part of the meeting was over and we were allowed to chat amongst ourselves, I discovered that I was not the only upset and irate spouse, which I suppose offers me some measure of comfort. The anger I felt was overwhelming. I have told Evan before that I never understood how 1SG had a family (because he would say stuff like, "Well *I* have a family and they never needed me to do this or that") and last night when I spoke to him I told him I understood why he has a family. His wife is just as evil and corrupted as he is.
Honestly, right now I am not sure what to do. Evan is reluctant for me to speak with the commander's wife (who runs the FRG) because he doesn't believe it will accomplish anything and may cause him more grief. What I want to do is write her a letter and tell her every foul thing that 1SG has ever done. I want to show her pictures of Natalia and Yuri so she can see their precious faces. I want to make her understand how much grief and difficulty this man has put us through- this man who is supposed to SUPPORT us and be a LEADER, not a tyrant. I received a wonderful letter from the commander's wife yesterday after having some issues with CYS. I am torn, because it seemed like she was sincere in wanting to help, but we have also heard negative things about the commander, and although Evan has not experienced much of it firsthand, he is reluctant to disregard the signs and trust that this "leader" has the unit's best interest at heart and not his own agenda.
I know I am not the only wife that feels this way. I would really like to rally the other wives and go to the commander's wife with the request that 1SG's wife not be allowed to attend FRG meetings or other unit functions if she is going to behave in the manner she did last night. But I also know that it is not the Christian thing to do and I am at a loss as to what God wants me to do. Because I feel that I need the support of the FRG during this deployment, but I am positive that more times like last night are neither good nor healthy for me during this deployment (or anytime really, but especially now). I could really use some prayers about this. I know that my fierce love for the kids and my husband sometimes blinds me and causes me to go into mama bear rage when I ought to be more understanding and Christ-like. I can rationalize it when I am calm, but in a situation, I may not think it through and act on my emotions rather than Scripture. I just don't know what to do.
I have another confession to make. We have told very few people in the unit that we are again in the process of adoption. In fact, to our knowledge, neither the first sergeant or the commander know. The commander left early, so when Evan needed his employment letter, the XO was there to do it in his place as acting commander- and the XO has been very supportive of our adoption. Evan told me today that the XO called him yesterday just to ask him how the adoption is going. I spoke to his wife at the FRG meeting last night- she was incredibly friendly and helpful. I mentioned the adoption to her and she offered her support and congratulations.
Evan has spoken with the XO about the adoption. As of right now, there is no need for them to know, especially since the 1SG has made his position on adoption and adding to our family quite clear. We do not need his approval and we do not need his support. I am amazed at how the Lord has worked things out this way- because had the commander been there to sign Evan's employment letter, he surely would have let 1SG know. I honestly have no idea WHY he is SO against "large" families- is 4 kids even a large family?
As far as our current adoption... I should be receiving our Hague approved home study any day now. Once I receive it, I can send it off with our i800a application and that is the last thing we need for our dossier. I am so incredibly excited! Wow, this post has turned into a novel. ;) But I feel better, it always helps to talk about things and share.
I do have a few prayer requests to share. Our i800a will cost a pretty penny to file- I think $870, but don't quote me on that. I do have the money in our adoption savings, but the more money I can keep in that savings account, the more interest it earns and the more money we have for later on in the process. I am making jewelry to sell to help fund our adoption, but I haven't yet listed any of it for sale. Please pray that the funds would be there when we need them, now and in the future, that I would find the time to take pictures of the jewelry (that the pictures would be good!), that I will be able to sell my jewelry, and for an easy time receiving our i800a approval. There is one thing that could cause a hiccup- once I send in our application, we will receive fingerprint appointments. Obviously, Evan is unable to be here for this, but we anticipated it and we had him fingerprinted on post before he left. We spoke to USCIS and they did say that fingerprints done at a US Embassy or military installation are acceptable in place of the livescan prints. I am a little apprehensive because the code on the print card is not that of a military installation- because the code is the code of who processes it, not who does the actual printing and some bases use civilians to process their prints. It does say Ft Huachuca on it and they did include a business card so that USCIS could verify that they did, indeed, fingerprint him, but I am still a little concerned!
I also wanted to thank everyone for their support, well wishes, and prayers. It means a lot to me to know that people do support us. Thank you so much! And now, I think I am off to bed!! (Finally, I know.)

Happy Mother's Day!

2010-05-09T07:57:00.003-07:00

To all the mom's out there, those waiting for their children to come home, those cheering others on, those who already have their children home, those who gave up their precious children so they could have a 'better life', and especially, to my own mom. :) My mom is a wonderful mom, an amazing grandma. She is supportive, kind, loving, thoughtful. She is the best mom and grandma a person could ask for. My mom and I often pore over the RR web site while on the phone. We talk about this child or that, what is going on with current adoptions, etc. She has such a heart for these orphans- that must be where I got it from. :) :) :)
So this Mother's Day, I wanted to do something different. Instead of sending a gift, I thought I would donate to a child's grant fund, in honor of my mom. I know my mom just adores little Marie, so I chose Marie... Mom, in a few days you should see Marie's grant fund go up from $0. It's not a lot, but my prayer is that every little bit will help her to find a family. Thanks for being the greatest Mom!! I love you!

Good News Morning

2010-04-20T09:58:00.002-07:00

The first thing I checked this morning was on two online friends- Shelley and Lorraine. Shelley is stranded in Bulgaria by the cloud of volcanic ash, click on her name to read her story. They finally seem to have an ending in sight, great news! Please pray for them and if you are led to helping them financially, there is a link on Shelley's blog. Lorraine's daughter, Chrissie, was scheduled for heart surgery yesterday and things did not go well. Chrissie had problems during surgery and was dead for 20 minutes. She is currently alive and in a medically induced coma- that was the good news, as I was so worried that Chrissie did not make it through the night. PLEASE, PLEASE keep Chrissie and family in your prayers as well, it is still very much touch and go. Lorraine has a post on specifically what their prayer needs are on her blog. It would be so awesome if we could all come together in Christ for this special little girl. :)
And lastly, I have some good news myself! I received some emails from our wonderful attorney in Bulgaria- our little girl is officially ON HOLD for our family! Yay!!! More good news- she is NOT in a mental institution, even though they can be transferred as early as 3 in Bulgaria. Toni doesn't know anything about the orphanage where Miss A is (I will not be posting her name or picture on the blog until trip one, sorry for the disappointment!), but she did say that it is in a small town. In her experience, orphanages in small towns generally have good care, so we are both optimistic! I think it is a good sign that Miss A hasn't been transferred, too. This has been an exciting morning for me and I am hoping and praying that it will continue to be an exciting day with GOOD news on Chrissie and Shelley! Thank you Lord!!!

Why Adopt Overseas?

2010-04-17T20:54:00.010-07:00

I am often asked this question. People always want to know WHY NOT HERE? It's not that I want to ignore the orphans in our own backyard, so to speak. Not at all. At this point in our lives, we feel that God is calling us to adopt overseas. And that's not all. There is a major difference in the standard of care that an orphan in the US receives vs. the care that an orphan in, say, Eastern Europe receives. Let me give you some examples.

This is Mari. She is four years old. She appears to have severe hydrocephalus. She is an orphan in Eastern Europe, living in an orphanage, possibly an institution.

This is Sophia. I can hardly stand to look at her, such a sad situation. In the US, her cleft lip and cleft palate would have been fixed by now. But in Eastern Europe, it is often not. Some institutions will NOT tube feed. If a child that is tube fed is sent to an institution that won't tube feed (and YES, it IS done), then the child starves to death. I am completely serious.

This is Nika. She is 8 years old. This is a current photo. She weighs just 11 pounds. ELEVEN POUNDS.

This is Monroe. He is five years old. Look at that beautiful smile. Monroe has cerebral palsy. He cannot yet sit up on his own or use his arms or legs (he is pictured in an infant walker). He may have a slight cognitive delay, but is otherwise typical.

This is Natalia, the daughter of our hearts. Natalia has been in a mental institution since turning four. She is now seven years old. Since being in the mental institution, she has regressed. She is no longer walking. She no longer talks. Her only disabilities? Epilepsy and flat feet (is flat feet even a disability?!). Children with mild disabilities are THROWN AWAY because their society shuns them, much like ours did not all that long ago. Their medical care is sadly lacking.

This is Victoria. She is seven. She has arthrogryposis, which only affects her lower limbs. She was likely quite typical, cognitively, when she entered the institution. Kids with arthrogryposis usually quite smart. Victoria has likely been institutionalized since turning four and has cognitively regressed. She would do SO well in a family, getting therapy and ATTENTION. The truth is, in these kind of institutions, they don't have enough caregivers. The kids are lucky to get their basic needs met, forget about someone to take them out of their beds, get toys down for them to play with, read them a book, etc.

Right now we send money to an orphan assistance program that provides a personal caretaker for Natalia. We hope to receive information soon that will give us an idea of what exactly this caretaker does for her and how she is doing. It costs us less than $40 a month. But that's not enough. I would LOVE to bring Natalia and Victoria (they are in the same institution) home to our family. But right now we cannot adopt from Ukraine. We CAN and WILL adopt from Bulgaria. I'll admit, I am dying to know how our little girl is doing and where she is, but I haven't yet got up the guts to write our attorney (in Bulgaria, an attorney facilitates our adoption and we have the BEST one you could possibly hope for!) and ask her if she could try to find out. I guess I am chicken. I want to know, but I am afraid to find out that she is in a bad place or doing poorly. We know she is quite small for her age (although not nearly as small as sweet Nika), but we don't know if there is a reason for it. But I know what kind of institution that Natalia and Victoria are in. They have a dedicated director, but they just don't have the funding for caregivers or therapy. They do the best with what they have. But not that long ago, influenza swept through the institution and many children died. It's reported that these institutions experience deaths at a rate between 30 and 90%. I don't know where their institution lies... But even 30% is too high. Children are a gift from God, not trash.
I will admit that there are kids in the US who are treated like trash. I think that, in general, our foster care system provides a better life for these children than life in an institution. Yes, you hear the horror stories of children kept in cages and children killed, but that is the exception, not the norm. In Eastern Europe, these institutions are the norm, not the exception. If you want to get an idea of what institutions are like, read the book The Boy From Baby House 10.
So why do I feel so strongly about adopting overseas? Because if Sophia had been born in America, she would have had surgery. Guess what? I have a neighbor whose child was born with that condition. Her family didn't even hesitate about getting her surgery and speech therapy- their daughter is thriving. In America, Mari would have had surgery to have a shunt placed. Guess what? My next door neighbor has a little boy who has hydrocephalus. He is a sweet, beautiful little boy and if you didn't see his surgery scars or know how old he is, you wouldn't know right away that he has special needs. He is obviously well loved and cared for. His mom takes him to his therapy appointments faithfully. I can't imagine how his life would be different if he had been born in Eastern Europe. In America, Monroe might have been given up, placed in foster care, but his foster care parent(s) would be taking him to therapies and helping him to reach his full potential. God gave us intelligence, compassion, ingenuity, skills, etc. for a reason. To help each other. To give to each other. To make the world a better place in the capacity that we can. To strive to be like Christ.
Maybe someday we will adopt domestically. Maybe not. I don't know what the future holds for us, we will go where God leads. But right now He is leading us to where our child is and she is overseas...

Time Goes By

2010-04-13T23:30:00.002-07:00

So slowly. I had a post I was working on last week, on Thursday, a week from Evan's departure. But I've had a hard time actually getting anything done on blogging. I've been feeling a bit down lately. I'm fine during the day, but nights are stressful and lonely. The kids and I are all missing Daddy and stressed out by the end of the day. I'm not sure why him being gone now is so much harder than when he was in GA- maybe because it's a different situation and dangerous, maybe because he's halfway around the world, I don't know.
Things aren't moving as quickly as we'd hoped on the adoption front. Our home study is certified, but we have an extra step because our home study agency isn't Hague, so our home study has to be sent to our adoption agency, who is Hague accredited. It seems like we lost a week trying to find out what needed to be done, which, in the scheme of things, a week is not that big of a deal, but right now it has me down.
The kids have been doing well. Aiden talks about going to kindergarten a lot. Sometimes he gets sad when he realizes he will be leaving his school friends behind, because none of them will be going to his new school. He has one little school friend he is particularly fond of and he says he is going to marry her when they are both adults. :) He's pretty cute. I'm a little worried about him going to kindergarten... He is so darn smart, way ahead of kindergarten intellectually, but socially he is a bit immature. My mom tells me my teacher wanted to hold me back in kindergarten for being immature. I think I turned out okay. Lol.
Elijah is doing great with his speech. He is a bit emotional lately, not sure if that is developmentally appropriate stuff he is going through or dealing with Daddy being gone or a combination of things or because the moon is waning (or waxing, I don't keep up on the moon phases). Yesterday he told me he wanted water without any prompting, which is huge. I almost cried. This morning on the way to school he was singing, "I love circle time," which I'm not sure where he learned it, but it was cute all the same! And when I picked him up from school, he came walking out with the other kids, holding onto one of the handles on the rope. Usually someone is herding him and trying to hold his hand because he wants nothing to do with leaving or walking in a line. I often have people tell me he doesn't seem autistic- which I credit to the combination of meds he takes. I couldn't find his syringe this weekend and he missed I think 3 doses of his Risperdal and boy, we are still feeling the repercussions. All day yesterday and today, he would scream if Aiden even looked at him. He shoved Kieran over backwards when he got too close to him. I felt so bad that he missed his meds, I will be asking for another syringe next time we get a refill. I never did find his current syringe, but I found an old one that is usable and I can just make out the lines on it. Whew.
Kieran is doing cute things that babies his age do as well as causing general mayhem while enjoying every minute of it. I'm such a sucker for those big baby blues and that dimpled smile, how could I ever be upset with him, even when he gets excited and punches me in the face? Lol! He is always on the go and if I'm holding him, he is usually bouncy and jumpy, swinging his fists happily, grabbing my hair and glasses, etc. He is starting to stand on his own, but if he realizes he isn't holding on to anything he immediately drops to his bottom. He will crawl to me and lift his hands, stand up holding onto my hands, then stand on his tippy toes and lift his hands to be picked up. It's the cutest thing and sometimes I can't help but hold my hand just out of his reach just to see him do it a second longer, then scoop him up and kiss his belly. He loves being kissed on his belly and under his chin. Of course I am happy to oblige. He is just the cutest and boy, I don't know what we ever did without him. I'm so glad that God foiled our vasectomy plans. ;)
Evan is doing okay. I don't really know what else to say, it seems we have been taking turns feeling down and trying to cheer each other up. Where he is now is pretty dismal. It's a lot like basic training- in a big room with a half million other guys, only their room is a huge tent. No private bathrooms or showers. The internet is slow and spotty. The base is overcrowded and the food at the DFAC isn't great. They were out of ketchup for over a week, which I'm sure caused Evan to go into withdrawal. I offered to send him some, but as he is living in a tent, he has no fridge. Eventually he will go to another place where he will be for the majority of the deployment, but he doesn't know if the facilities will be any better.
It really upsets me. I mean, these guys are risking their lives for OUR freedom, and our government can't even provide them with decent living conditions? It's not like we JUST set up in Afghanistan- why don't our guys have barracks with rooms and bathrooms? The posts he was at in Iraq were newer and they had barracks. Evan even had his own room for about half the time he was out there- and you don't really appreciate how much you value having a bit of privacy until you have NONE. Iraq wasn't a picnic by any means, but it was sure a lot more comfortable than Afghanistan has been so far. I could probably go on about that for awhile, so I'd better step down from my soap box. It makes me feel bad that I am so comfortable while our troops are not. And now I really will be quiet, it is past my bed time and Elijah has school in the morning!

Family Pictures

2010-03-30T18:43:00.018-07:00

We had family pictures taken last week. I love the way they turned out! I've been slow in posting, seems we've had a lot of illness here lately! There are so many poses of Elijah because Aiden's single was done in one shot, Kieran's in two, but Elijah needed a half dozen or more! I didn't post Kieran's other one because he was crying in it. We realized when we got home that he wasn't just warm, he had a fever! Poor baby! Evan cut his face open the next day at work, so we got the pictures done just in time! ;)

Army Strong

2010-03-30T16:41:00.003-07:00

Just for the record, I hate that commercial. Evan leaves in a matter of days and today he is two states away getting issued new gear that he COULD have gotten in Kuwait, but the unit decided it was more important that he spend the entire day away from his family and get it done today. It really irritates me how the Army spouts that it is so family friendly when in fact it is NOT. I'm pretty sure that the rate of divorce rate in the military is much higher than most other professions (I don't remember the statistics, but I remember seeing them somewhat recently). I think it wouldn't bother me as much if they were honest about it. If they didn't pat themselves on the back about their FRGs (Family Readiness Group) that is supposedly there to support the spouses during deployment- but pre-deployment most units will require that all soldiers (yes, even singles) attend and the 1SG and CO oversee it, along with the CO's wife. Our CO's wife took over the FRG and refused to let anyone else run it, even though she has no idea how to do it, because "it's her right as the CO's wife," according to another officer's wife.
The FRG when Evan was deployed last time was awesome. It was run by a SFC's wife. I'm not sure if that is better because it's not about politics, but it sure was the best FRG I've ever had (and granted, I've only dealt with three, if you can say that the old B Co FRG is a different one than the current one, which I say it is, since it didn't exist at all for almost two years...). We had monthly meetings that were for anyone who CHOSE to come, but no one was required. We had monthly suppers for the single soldiers that the CO generally required all soldiers to at least put in an appearance to. We had fundraisers. Family events. When the guys deployed (I use the term guys loosely, as there were some female soldiers in the unit) the meetings and events and fundraisers continued. I no longer attended because I went to California for 13 months of the 15 month deployment, but I was kept current on everything through emails, with pictures, and the occasional phone call.
If I counted on that kind of thing this time around, I would be sadly disappointed. The fact is, our unit sucks. I don't care if anyone from the unit reads this- they'd probably agree with me. Our 1SG is horrible. His leadership style might work with some people, but he has brought the morale of the unit down so much I am honestly afraid for the guys to deploy. You wouldn't believe the scrambling going on the last six months to a. get out of the Army through one means or another or b. to get transferred to another company. Don't get me wrong, it happens in units that are about to deploy (this is our third pre-deployment time, although only our 2nd deployment because Evan was not fit to deploy for his first deployment due to a knee injury). But I've never seen it like this. There was talk of moving the 1SG from the unit because there is so much negative feeling towards him that they were reluctant to deploy him. In case you didn't know, deployed soldiers have their weapons on them 24/7. They eat with their weapons, they sleep with them- you get the idea.
I didn't even mean to talk about this in particular. The Army yes, but how horrible the unit is, no. It's a sore spot for me, so I normally try to ignore it. What I meant to talk about is this: Before I joined the Army (and I mean by marrying it), I always thought that women who married soldiers must be really strong. After a few years of living as an Army wife, I can tell you this isn't the case. If I mention Evan's upcoming deployment to anyone, the first words out of their mouths are almost always, "Oh, you are so strong, I could never do that!" I thought the exact same thing. I don't anymore.
I am anything but strong. If it weren't for God and my family (but honestly, mostly God), I wouldn't get through the times apart. I wouldn't get through the night after sleepless night of night terrors and teething babies. I wouldn't get through the days of screaming babies and kid's fighting and knowing there is no help coming. There is no one to come help me at the end of the day, to hug me and for awhile, if only a few seconds, take care of me, before I need to turn around and take care of the world again when someone yells they are hungry or cries because their brother grabbed their toy or they fell and got hurt.
I don't do what I do because I am strong. I do what I do because there isn't any other acceptable choice. I love my husband. He is the man God chose for me. And he loves being a soldier. God is strong for me when I don't have the strength to be. Evan told me today that if it isn't God's intent for Evan to deploy a certain day, then he won't, but that I need to trust that God knows what he is doing. I told Evan, I do trust God, but just because he knows what he is doing doesn't mean I have to LIKE it. I just need to TRUST him. I'll admit it- I am selfish. I don't want my husband to leave. I especially don't want him to die in a foreign country fighting for the right of people, most of whom do not appreciate the gravity of their freedom nor the lives of the people who keep their freedom save even if it means giving up their own. I am proud of him. I am proud that he believes in our country and God enough to do what he does. I am proud that even though he would like to see our baby take his first steps and hear his first words, he will go and defend our country. I am proud that even though he would like to go to Bulgaria and meet his daughter for the first time with me, he will go and defend our country. I am proud that even though I will sleep safely in our house on post protect by gates and fences and MPs, he will risk his to keep it that way.
I just wish that this world was different. I wish that there wasn't a NEED for our soldiers to go to war. I wish there wasn't a need for them to risk their lives, for kids to grow up without parents, for parents to bury their children, for wives to bury their husbands.

There is another man in my life that I am extremely proud of- my father. He was also a soldier. He did a lot of things he is not proud of and a lot of things he should be proud of. He fought in World War II. He was on the invasion of Normandy- you know, the opening battle scene on the beach in the movie Saving Private Ryan. If my dad could make it through that, with God's help, I have to trust that everything will be okay, one way or another. I can't imagine life without Evan, even though I have spent about half of our marriage half way around the world from him and 20 years before our marriage without him. But God knows that. He knows my heart. And His will will be done. I don't have to like it, but I will trust it.

One step closer!

2010-03-24T17:28:00.002-07:00

We have notarized all of the documents we need Evan's signature on before trip one. Our caseworker is checking them out and if everything checks out, I can get them all apostilled and our dossier will be almost done! I will send some of our documents to our caseworker and she will hand carry them to Bulgaria (she's already going). Yay!! I am so excited! The documents we're sending with her will officially place our little girl on hold for our family! We are just waiting for our approved, notarized home study (and accompany documents like agency license, Hague accreditation, etc.), our FBI prints and (once we get the home study and accompanying documents) our i800a approval! I am so excited, it took me three tries to type that last sentence! :D

Frustrated

2010-03-22T12:19:00.002-07:00

That is how I was feeling this morning. Very frustrated. Evan just got home late Friday night. We didn't get home until really late... the battery in the van died and we were stuck at the airport waiting for a jump... Lol. Anyway. We had a nice weekend and today was supposed to be for adoption paperwork. Evan was told he would need to go to CIF this morning to get some gear issued or something and then he would have the rest of the day off. They decided this morning that he would not have today off, that he needed to jump right in to all of the official stuff a soldier has to do before he can deploy. :( So our paperwork will have to wait until tomorrow.
It's not like it would have made much difference... I can't take it to be apostilled until Wednesday (and let me tell you, the thought of overnighting it has crossed my mind, rather than drive to down town Tucson by myself with three little ones...), so getting it notarized tomorrow isn't that big of a deal. It's just frustrating! Lol. But I know that this adoption is God's plan, so it will be in His time, not ours!
Hopefully on Wednesday our first set of documents will be on their way to our wonderful facilitator in Bulgaria. If our documents are good, then our little girl will be "on hold" for our family! Unfortunately, I can't post any pictures or info pertaining to our little girl, but believe me, she is beautiful! :)
I'm pretty excited! I'm sure everyone wants to see the latest pictures... I will try to upload more soon! Kieran got one of his upper front teeth (by headbutting me...) but the other hasn't come through and he has been pretty miserable off and on. Elijah has had an off couple of days with his schedule being disrupted because of going to school for one week, then spring break, then Daddy coming home... I expect he will probably be a little out of sorts for another few days at least. So, things have been hectic! Elijah is standing right next to me, playing his leapster and having me help him every minute or so! Lol.

Look where I found the Monkey!

2010-03-19T16:05:00.005-07:00

Trying to get into the bunny's cage! (And no, it isn't our bunny, we are pet sitting!)

He looks awfully happy to be caught in the act!!

Friends

2010-03-16T19:43:00.008-07:00

The kids' cousin's cousins are over (is there a technical term for that?) and everyone is having a great time. Elijah has had a few issues, he is a little bit overwhelmed by the addition of two more children, but really, he is doing pretty well! I did explain to Addison, one of the girls, that Elijah is autistic and what that means. I think I need a book that explains to children how people with autism are a little different. The girls don't understand why Elijah doesn't listen to them or talk to them. Weird- I just heard a strange sound and looked over to see the cat licking the plastic on a Kleenex box. Can I blame that on the brain damage or is he just weird? Haha, I love this cat! He really is a great cat.
Anyway! My new toy (a laminator) was delivered today, so I had the kids draw and we laminated their drawings for place mats. They had a blast! Here is their art work. Kimmie and Addison are really good artists! They are both six years old and will be turning seven this spring/summer. So they are a year and a half older than Aiden- I wonder if Aiden will draw this well in another year?? It really warms my heart to see them all play together so well! Aiden is a little awkward, but he, also, is doing better than I expected! It's so awesome to think that my babies will do okay making friends. Haha and Kimmie just came to tell me the other kids are fighting... Off to check it out! Lol! I went in and they said they weren't fighting, they were partying! Both of them were smiling, so... ? ;) Here is their artwork!

Addison's place mat- today is Enrique's birthday. Isn't that so sweet?!

Elijah's scribbles. :)

I decided to write his name on the back, he can use it to trace his name... I didn't go that great of a job! Haha.

Kimmie's drawing. I'm not sure why she put a C after her name, she said she just wanted to. Her last name doesn't start with C. ;) Isn't this cute? I think it is a girl (she couldn't decide whether it was her or Brittany, kept changing her mind) smelling stinky cheese. Lol!!

Aiden's blue cheese. Not bleu cheese. Blue cheese. ;)

The back of Aiden's mat. I encouraged all of the kids to draw on both sides, but Aiden was the only one who did.

Fingerprints!

2010-03-10T20:39:00.003-07:00

The FBI received our fingerprints today!! Yay! We are one step closer!! For our home study we are waiting on one more document (NY background check). I think we have everything else! For our dossier, the two major things are USCIS (i800a approval) and FBI background checks. I've heard that the FBI can take up to 13 weeks- but the web site stated if they were needed sooner to state the date needed and reason. I believe we should have the rest of our dossier by the first week of April, so I put April 8. All of our dossier should be complete by then, except maybe the i800a approval. Most of what we need we cannot do until Evan gets home. 9 days!!! :) I am so excited!!
We were really concerned about the timing of everything, because the i800a requires Evan and I to be fingerprinted. But our caseworker and Evan both spoke with USCIS and they will accept prints done at a military installation in lieu of the electronic fingerprints! This is WONDERFUL news for us! God sure has a way of working things out!

Church time

2010-03-07T12:26:00.018-07:00

Church today was difficult. I took the boys to second service. Elijah hasn't been doing that well in the 2 & 3 year old room. The EFMP director told me his daughter works second service in the 2 & 3 year old room and she is going to school to be a spec ed teacher, so he thought it might be a good fit for Elijah. I think the teacher, his daughter, is probably a good fit. But I'm not so sure second service is! It was SO PACKED. Wow, I have NEVER seen so many people! I mean, that's good that so many people are desiring to know and worship the Lord, but not so good for Elijah or Kieran. There were 16 children in the nursery when I dropped Kieran off. There seemed to be enough helpers, so I didn't think much of it. The sanctuary was so packed that there were 5-6 rows of chairs set up in the foyer for overflow, so I sat out there.
It was SO difficult to concentrate out in the foyer! I could hear every little noise from the children's ministry down the hall. A few times I heard Elijah screaming and once he ran out in to the foyer, his teacher right with him- and yes, I did warn her he was a flight risk. ;) When I went to get Kieran from the nursery, Elijah saw me and his teacher brought him over (I normally get Elijah last so I don't have to worry about him running off while I'm getting the other boys). He was crying and having a fit. At the nursery door, there was a little boy leaving with Kieran's favorite blanket- apparently it was HIS favorite blanket, too, only that one was Kieran's and not his. His dad thought it was his until he remembered that the little boy hadn't brought his that day and he gave it back. Kieran's binky was missing from his car seat. Kieran was in a swing, not buckled in. Two children were manning the door to the nursery. I found Kieran's binky under a crib, I'm assuming it was accidentally flung aside when the little boy grabbed Kieran's blanket. But it was a little frustrating that his belongings were spread out and he was in an unsafe situation. An almost 8 month old child who is crawling and cruising is definitely not safe sitting in an infant swing unbuckled!!
I finally managed to get out of the nursery with Kieran and Elijah in tow and headed to Aiden's class. It took a few minutes to get his attention because they were watching Veggie Tales. Then he proceeds to complain about how they had snack time at this time, they didn't do this, they didn't do that- I couldn't even get him to tell me what they DID do. I didn't stop to think that things would be done differently in second service (I mean, seriously, it's like a whole different WORLD!) and that it would upset Aiden. Sheesh. There were just as many kids in Aiden and Elijah's rooms as in the nursery, so it was a mad house. I am not sure what service we will go to next week!! Elijah does not do well with that many people. We've been out of church for over an hour and he is just now calming down. Oh boy, we are all in for it tomorrow when I get him up to be to school by 8:30. This is going to be a TOUGH week for him.
I can't believe my little boy is going to be three years old tomorrow!! Where does the time go? I think he will enjoy school, but the schedule change will most certainly be a very difficult change for him. I've been trying to get him up earlier and earlier and we've made it to 8 am. Tomorrow he will need to get up by 7:45. That will be cutting it close, but I think getting him up more than 15 minutes early will be too stressful for him. So I will have his clothes, pediasure, and breakfast waiting for him at 7:45. I'm trying to think of something special to do for him tomorrow! We aren't actually celebrating his birthday until Daddy comes home. We will have a small party (just family) and do presents, cake, etc. on March 20. Low key. Nothing too stressful for him. He doesn't like being the center of attention like Aiden does!
I have really been slacking on my blog lately. I will attempt to do an update this evening, as we have had a lot going on!! Unfortunately for the blog, other things have been taking precedence (like daily devotions and adoption paperwork!), but I hope to update a little more frequently. And now... Some pictures! These pictures are actually from February 21, 2010. I will try to post more today as I get a chance, but I also need to get my marriage certificate & FBI prints ready to ship out tomorrow and those DEFINITELY are more important. ;)

I took this picture because some dog lined up the bowls in a line... I later found out it was Puzzle. She did it again when Kona was kenneled.

Aren't they so cute?

No, we did not get another dog. I baby sat Brittany's dog for a week or so. He is awfully pretty, though, isn't he? (He is the smaller German Shepherd, he is still a puppy.)

What a smile!!!

Another winning smile. He was in the process of getting his shoes on...

Elijah was eating crackers when I snapped this picture. Lol!

My little cracker thief. You can see the nice bruise he got from he and Aiden roughhousing... Elijah fell off the couch into the hockey table.

My biggest little boy!

He can be so sweet and so trying. :)

Elijah and his crackers.

Puzzle thinks the bench is her bed. I considered putting the cushions on for her, since she has never chewed on anything she wasn't supposed to- but we are baby sitting another puppy for a month and the other puppy has actually chewed on the webbing a bit, so I might end up putting the bench in the storage closet until Ms. Star goes home. Funny thing is, I don't think Star chews on stuff at her own house.

She never even falls through. She is a nimble little puppy!

He came to me to help him take his pants off, since they were already falling down. Lol!

Hmmm.... I wonder who hid Wolverine in the bowl of popcorn??

This little stinker is EVERYWHERE!!! He climbs on everything he can! Ah, but so adorable! :)

And how could I resist this face??? Haha, for some reason, every time he wears this outfit, I forget to button the shoulder snaps!

The weekend update

2010-02-21T21:04:00.002-07:00

Elijah is sick. That about sums it up. Oh wait, I didn't sleep much. ;) I took Elijah to urgent care today because he started draining pus from his ear last night (hopefully you're not eating while reading this). I am not sure if his tubes are still in place or not, plus he has been absolutely miserable, so I figured taking him in was the best bet. I thought I was smart and switched him to melting Tylenol after he refused to take liquid anything (much thanks to Britt for picking it up for me- going out with three kids, two of them not feeling so well is NOT fun). That lasted for half a day, then he decided he doesn't like the melting tablets, either. !!! My next plan... to locate some chewable motrin. I know it exists. But Walgreens was out. Kieran has been pretty fussy, too, I think it's a tooth thing, but not positive... I guess I'll find out if he gets more teeth!

When we were at Walgreens, Elijah was throwing his obligatory tantrum and an couple approached us. The lady started talking to him, patting his head, etc. This usually really irritates me. I hate having to explain to strangers that he is autistic and doesn't like being touched by people. I wasn't going to say anything (I mean, if he hits her or bites her, she'll get it, right?), but the gentleman asked me about Elijah, and I said, "He's autistic." Immediately, their faces lit up with understanding and the wife started asking me all kinds of questions about him. It turns out their grandson is also autistic. She spent some time getting Elijah to calm down (can she come live with me?!) while I was giving the prescription to the tech and then we spoke for a bit. Elijah wasn't thrilled, but he wasn't screaming bloody murder or beating his head, arms, and legs on the floor anymore. Amazing. I'm usually the only one who can calm him down. Before we parted ways, she told me they had shirts made for her grandson that read, "I'm not a brat, I'm autistic." I'm not sure what I think of that. I mean, on one hand, I like it. Because Elijah really ISN'T a brat, he just gets overloaded. Frequently. But on the other hand, I don't love flouting his condition.
I don't know how many times I've heard, "Well, he doesn't LOOK autistic." Seriously, what does AUTISTIC look like?? Whew. So, if you saw a child wearing a shirt that said "I'm not a brat, I'm autistic," what would you think? Would you be understanding? Would you think it's a joke? A family that used to live near us had their school age son wear a bright orange vest (think road guard vest) that had "AUTISTIC" on it front and back. I kind of think that's extreme, but from what I understand it was necessary for his safety.
I have some pictures of the past week, but right now I'm a bit too exhausted to take the time to upload them. I think I am going to go enjoy a slice of leftover pizza....

Quilts for Angels

2010-02-20T12:05:00.004-07:00

I'm doing a fundraiser in my Etsy shop for Natalia, Yuri, and Nadya! Check it out, here are the links...
Natalia
Yuri
Nadya

Our weekend

2010-02-15T10:05:00.007-07:00

It was a bit of a stressful weekend, but here it is Monday and we made it through. :) Kieran was running a low grade fever Saturday and part of Sunday, drooling like crazy, and generally just being fussy. I found out that he does NOT like baby Orajel. He screamed for 10 minutes straight after I put it on- probably until it wore off! So... Ibuprofen it is. It's the only thing that seems to do anything for him.
Yesterday we tried out meat baby food for the first time. He didn't mind the taste, but the texture was another thing. He gagged several times until he vomited. The wet spots in the picture aren't from drool, it's the wet spot left behind after I cleaned him up. I let him finish his veggies while taking pictures.

These pictures were actually taken Saturday night. I helped him to stand up, but then he stood there holding on by himself for several minutes. Where did my baby go?? He is growing up too fast!

Between Kieran being fussy and... Aiden and Elijah either fighting nonstop or doing dangerous stuff and Elijah getting hurt... and Mommy sleeping a few hours each night, this is why I had a stressful weekend. Lol! These pictures were taken with my phone this morning. I thought about taking Elijah to the ER last night after he mysteriously fell off the couch and either hit his cheek on the way down or landed on his cheek... I suspect he may have been shoved and hit his cheek on the hockey table then fell to the floor, but Elijah doesn't talk and Aiden was very evasive at first, then said Elijah stepped off the couch. Hmmm. You can see that his cheek is swollen in both pictures and you can sort of see the bruise- I could not get a good picture of the bruise, it isn't faint like it appears in the pictures. This was taken about 14 hours after the "fall." Elijah calmed down after a few minutes and proceeded to eat dinner just fine, said, "Ahh," to show me the inside of his mouth... so I figured he probably wasn't in need of an ER visit. But sheesh, he and Aiden kept me on my toes all weekend. Elijah also fell off one of the beds in their room. I haven't seen any gray hairs yet, but I'm sure they are coming!

Evan finally received his Love Dare book, so we planned to start that this weekend. My wonderful, thoughtful, amazing husband sent me a copy of The Purpose Driven Life for Valentine's Day because he knew I'd been wanting to read it, so I started that this weekend as well. :)

Celebrity Look Alike...

2010-02-12T17:09:00.000-07:00

Elijah's artwork

2010-02-10T23:08:00.004-07:00

While Aiden was signing his Valentine Day cards, Elijah needed something to do. So I found these pretty, sparkly foam stickers and had Elijah peel the backing off and put them on a nice, bright yellow sheet of card stock. I think he did an excellent job. :) Can you tell he likes hats and sparkly things?

I love this boy!! He is doing so well. Today he told me, "Unbuckle!" when I was going to get him out of the van. I was impressed! I would think most kids would say, "Out," or something, not, "Unbuckle." And tonight he brought me his shoes. I told him, no, it was time for jammies. He looked at me, shook his shoe in my face and said, "These go on feet." So on they went. How could I resist? :)

Look who has a new profile picture!

2010-02-10T18:22:00.002-07:00

Isn't she BEAUTIFUL?! Hopefully this will help her find a family!!! I am so excited! She appears to be doing better than we had thought, so this pleases me so much! We also found out that through an orphan aid non profit that we can actually send money to N's orphanage for them to give her her own caregiver. How neat! What a blessing that we can still give this little girl care though we were unable to adopt her. Please pray with me that a family steps up for her! She will celebrate her 7th birthday soon.

The last few days in pictures...

2010-02-09T21:21:00.035-07:00

I made this hat for Kieran, here is my sweet boy modeling it.

He is just such a happy boy most of the time!

Yes, he is teething! Everything must be chewed upon.

Don't you just love this face?

Here's his cheese face.

The hat on the left I made for Angela, the one on the right is Kieran's.

My attempt at spying on the dogs...

They noticed! Well, Kona did. Puzzle is oblivious, happily chewing on her rope toy.

Here is Kona staring at the window I took the first pictures from.

The rest are all from tonight, here is Kieran crawling.

He noticed me and changed direction.

I was calling Kieran... and the blind cat comes.

So cute.

Here's Kieran getting me. :)

What a beautiful smile. :)

Look how much he is drooling!

Here he comes again!

Mmm, yummy shoes.

Hey, a cat...

Mmm, yummy cat.

I'm just so excited!

Try to stand holding on to Mommy.

Maybe I can stand holding on to this thing... (this is actually him falling after his first attempt at standing holding the bouncer, but I wasn'T quick enough with the camera.)

Trying so hard not to fall all the way.

Getting back up.

Woo hoo! Made it. Sort of. :)

It's Official!

2010-02-09T14:45:00.002-07:00

I sent off our service agreement and first payment to our agency today!!! :) So excited!!

Fingerless gloves

2010-02-07T01:00:00.003-07:00

I finished making these for my mom this morning. Aiden begged to try them on. I think they are a little big on him...

Doesn't he look so much like Elijah in this picture?? They had just finished their bath so his hair was all wet and spiky. Haha, he was not happy with the way his hair looked. He asked me, "Hey! Why is my hair all funny looking?" He is a hoot! And other funny news... This morning when Elijah got up, he hopped out of bed and ran in the hall only to find the baby gate blocking his way. He came and got back in bed and when I sat up, he looked and me and pointedly said, "Oooh zasses!" (Your glasses.) He wanted to make sure that I was, indeed, getting up and Mommy always puts her glasses on when she gets up! :)

Saturday Morning

2010-02-07T00:34:00.028-07:00

All of the kids were in a great mood at breakfast time.
Good morning, Kieran!

Good morning, Aiden!

Good morning, Elijah!

Elijah chomping down on his toast.

Kieran was enjoying his oatmeal with apples and his brothers' silliness.

Aiden sure was being silly.

All smiles!

He kept grabbing the spoon from me, it was pretty cute, although messy.

Caught in the act!

And he got it.

Yay! I finished all my breakfast!

I love this piano that mom found in Aiden's closet!

If I bang on it, it makes noise!

Look how well I sit! Can you tell I'm tired?

I'm just going to crawl over the piano to get to this other toy... That looks neat.

Check that out, it spins!

Lost my balance.

Yes, this is a bunny, buckled into a skate, with a duck on its lap, sitting atop a Go Diego Go rescue truck. Elijah enjoys being creative these days. Later in the day he found a snack cup and made the bunny wear it as a hat. I love this kid!

We had a great day, mostly just lounging around playing, doing laundry- yay, the dryer is working again!!! There was enough lint jammed in the dryer for a dozen rat nests. Comfy ones at that. But now, it is all clean and dries the clothes in record time! And now, it is about time for Mommy to get to bed if I plan on getting up in the morning for church! Which I do. ;)

Picures from Feb 4

2010-02-06T00:20:00.024-07:00

Ok, it appears that last post didn't include the video... I will have to work on that but in the mean time here are some goofy pics of the boys from Thursday evening. We found a pair of infant sunglasses awhile back that were Aiden's when he was an baby and the boys had a blast, as you can see... We also had just finished dessert- flourless chocolate cake. Yum!

Pictures & Video From Feb 1

2010-02-05T23:52:00.018-07:00

None of the ones of Aiden turned out, they were all blurry. :( Elijah was sleeping, woke up, then came and laid down next to me on the other couch... notice the collection of rubber toys near his head. Lol.

Tough Day Take 2

2010-02-04T18:09:00.002-07:00

Today was another toughie. Mostly because we had an appointment at 10:45, school at 11:25, another appointment at 12:00, pick up at 1:45, two more appointments at 2:00, and an appointment at 3:20. The first appointment ran LATE and this made me late for every single thing for the rest of the day, although I did manage to pick Aiden up on time- but I then HAD to get Elijah something to eat, which made us late for the 2:00 appointments. Our wonderful service coordinator called me this morning as I was getting ready to leave for the first appointment and started yelling at me. She had called the school and they informed her that I already made the appointment and she was not welcome at it. She was furious and again, extremely rude, unprofessional ("Well, statistically speaking, it's not the therapy that matters, it's the home environment.") I DO have some ideas on who to contact about filing a complaint and asking for a new coordinator, though! Thankfully! Other than that it was just the running around ALL day that was stressful, the kids actually did GREAT. :) Pictures to come later!

Tough Day

2010-02-04T00:51:00.002-07:00

Today was an incredibly stressful day. I'm not sure why, I guess a lot of little things. It was 40 degrees and raining, the streets and yard were flooded, when we left for physical therapy this morning. Elijah splashed in puddles and kneeled (ok, why is blogger telling me that to kneel in past tense isn't a word? Am I that tired and spelling it wrong?) in a puddle and soaked his pants. My dryer is still not working and I had no other clothes for him. I had scheduled an appointment with the repairman for this morning, but he got sick and it's one of those one guy businesses. He was nice and offered to come out still (WITH A FEVER!!), but I told him to stay home and feel better! I can definitely live without my dryer for a few more days... The kids will just be wearing dirty socks! Lol!
I have been trying to get in touch with Elijah's service coordinator, who often does not return my calls... and I usually after several days of leaving messages and calling repeatedly, have to call someone ELSE to call her and then she will call... Well, she was a bit rude (now that I'm not upset, I'll give her the benefit of the doubt, maybe she was having a bad day, too). She told me that she would try to schedule a transition meeting for Elijah but that the school might not want to work with him now- I honestly wasn't aware that they had a CHOICE, seeing as how he does qualify. Well, I'd decided I'd had enough of her schedule meetings without my consent, making snide comments about my child's delays and services, and I called around until I got the information for the school and I called the school myself.
I did get a call back from the teacher this afternoon and she was very nice and quite helpful. I do understand that she has to work within the limitations of her job, but it is nice to know that as a parent of a special needs child herself, she does understand. According to their rules, Elijah should go into the morning class. NOT happening. I am not sure what I will do when Elijah is due to start kindergarten, but I have a few years to figure it out. I might home school. But as of right now, the child is not usually up before 9 am and this is with giving him melatonin at 8-8:30pm. HE DOES NOT SLEEP. So there is no way I am going to get him up early for school. He does not nap anymore so he NEEDS the sleep. It is already going to be a HUGE adjustment for him to start school. It is a totally different schedule than Aiden's school and I am honestly not sure that Elijah will adjust to going to school for 3 days then having a day off then going for one day then having two days off and starting over. At least with Aiden's schedule of Wednesdays off, he always goes to school two days at a time. With Evan gone right now, coming back for a few weeks, then deploying, I would like to keep things as much on schedule as possible.
Once I mentioned Elijah's sleeping issues and the whole least restrictive environment thing, the teacher said he could go in the afternoon, but he would be with kids a little older than him and why don't I come in to talk about it. Not an issue. It might be more fair to his classmates since Elijah can be very aggressive. And as far as the curriculum being geared towards 4 & 5 year olds versus 3 and 4 year olds, I'm not concerned. We believe Elijah is quite intelligent. He can read a few sight words. Our main concern is socialization and whether he will be able to adjust to a school setting. The teacher did mention that if Elijah starts in March when he turns 3, he will be the 17th child in the class (if they don't get any more kids). That seems like WAY too many kids for one teacher. I told her I plan to look into the legal limit of students to teacher ratio and if the school has too many kids per teacher, I will push the issue. She said that would be great, she would love for them to hire another teacher.
The information I've found so far is a little sketchy. If there are not more than four "typical" children in an early education classroom (typical being defined as a child that does not have an IEP), then the class does not need to be licensed and does not fall under department of education laws concerning class size. The department of health services does regular preschool class size and their guidelines state that for 3 years no more than 13 children per staff member (it does not say teacher...) and 4 year olds is 15 children, 5 year olds is 20 children. I am not sure how they would figure it out for a mixed class, but I would think that they would be required to go by the youngest child's age, which is 3. (In some cases it may be 2 years 9 months.) I am not sure if this counts aides, which IMO it shouldn't because they aren't TEACHERS, unless you are going to have one teacher per so many children and then so many aides for like half the amount. Like 6 kids per teacher and 1 aide for every additional 3 children or something. Because face it, aides don't have the qualifications that teachers do. And if you're going to have to have so many aides, you might as well hire another teacher. Right?
So there is also a group called the local education agency that may or may not regulate the teacher to student ratio. I have to find the one responsible for this area and contact them. This is frustrating! On top of all of the frustrating school stuff...
Kieran has learned to bite. While nursing. It HURTS. I didn't have this issue with the other kids (they didn't have teeth this young!) and by the time they did bite, they were old enough to understand NO more. I am not sure what to do, but he has bitten me about a half dozen times today and the last time I had tears in my eyes it hurt so bad and I thought he drew blood. Not quite, but I'm sure he's not far off. He's also started yanking my hair. It's not quite long enough to stay in a pony tail, but Evan really didn't want me to cut it shorter... He yanked out a huge fistful today and I yelled (well it hurt and surprised me) and he gulped and started crying. So I felt like the WORST mommy in the world. I cried, too. :( And then Aiden scolded me for making Kieran cry. So then I REALLY felt like the WORST mommy in the WORLD.
Elijah has also been very emotional lately. Anytime he gets scolded for anything, he starts crying. If he starts with the pouty lip and I offer to pick up up, as soon as I pick him up he starts sobbing. Quite often lately I have felt like I am a horrible, horrible ogre of a mommy. It's not a good feeling. I've been trying really hard to change the way I discipline Elijah. He's made it difficult. He's been pushing me. My mom suggested ignoring him when he does wrong and praising him when he does well. I think it might be good with Aiden, but Elijah doesn't care much about attention. He wants what he wants and he WILL find a way to get it.
I think I need a lock for the fridge and pantry because that is a big issue right now. He wants to snack all day and has been refusing to eat meals. Since he has learned that he can pull a chair over, putting things high up doesn't stop him. He can get it down himself now. At least once a day he is purposely spilling his drinks to play in them. He is refusing to eat anything but crackers. He had blood work done a few weeks ago and I got a call that his iron and vitamin Bs are low. Even though he takes a multivitamin daily. So it's important that he eat real meals. Not just crackers. I just need to rethink my strategies. I don't like having to tell Elijah no. It doesn't matter how nice I say it, he starts sobbing like it's the end of the world. I plan to talk to his behavioral therapist for some ideas and also to ask if this is maybe an appropriate stage he is going through. He is almost three, but developmentally he is between 18 and 24 months.
Our other big drama today- Mommy had to use the restroom. Mommy put Kieran in his exersaucer and asked Aiden to talk to Kieran until Mommy was done. Kieran loves being talked to. Kieran loves being held even more and is still adjusting to Daddy being gone and not being held 24/7, especially in the evening. So Aiden starts talking to him and Mommy goes into the bathroom. Mommy hasn't even wiped before all three children are SCREAMING. Mommy runs out of the bathroom trying to pull up her pants thinking the house has collapsed or is on fire or there is a rampaging buffalo trampling the children to death. But no. Kieran is screaming because no one is paying attention to him. Aiden and Elijah are screaming because they are rolling around on the ground fighting over Aiden's glasses. Aiden's glasses, sadly, are bent, I'm pretty sure beyond repair. The warranty is up. Aiden needs a new prescription. Our appointment to request a referral to the ophthalmologist is tomorrow, but it will be several weeks to get him in to the eye dr then another week to get his glasses, so at least a month that Aiden will be without glasses. The school nurse called me early in the week to tell me that Aiden did not pass his vision exam WITH his glasses. Imagine how poorly he must see without them. Can you hear me sighing? Lol!
But I am QUITE thankful that the house hadn't collapsed on the kids and no one was hurt, other than the glasses. Glasses are replaceable. I am thinking I might need to take Elijah into the bathroom with me, at least for now. I'm pretty certain that Elijah didn't just randomly attack Aiden. I'm pretty certain that Aiden provoked him in some way, although Elijah can't communicate well enough to tell me this, and honestly, Aiden doesn't understand things like teasing and baiting well enough to say whether he did or not. Because I've realized that although I might tell him 10,000 times a day not to tease his brother- I am not sure he really understands what that means. But I'm not sure how to explain it to him in terms he'll understand. :(
So that's all my venting. Now on to the positive stuff, because with children there is ALWAYS positive stuff. :) It helps us as parents to get through the everyday craziness and sometimes bad stressful stuff. Last night Aiden and I read chapters 3-5 of the first book in the Magic Treehouse series. The rule is if he refuses to go to bed on time, then we don't get to read. Aiden loves reading. I haven't decided whether it's bad to use reading as a consequence, I may change this strategy, but I think it is working. Back to the reading... I read to him chapters 3 and 4. Aiden read to me about half of chapter 5. He begged to read chapter 6 as well, but Kieran had had enough of sitting on Aiden's bed and it was past bedtime by that point. But I told him if we got ready for bed on time, we could read again tonight. It didn't happen. Aiden fought going to bed, then to sleep, and it was probably 10:30 by the time he laid down and at least 11 before he fell asleep. I'm pretty sure he'll go to bed on time tomorrow because he was not happy that I wouldn't read to him, plus we have to get up a bit early tomorrow. Tomorrow will be a BUSY day. We have three regular appointments, school, and two extra appointments. I'm tired just thinking of it. But I am looking forward to reading with Aiden. He really enjoys it and he is really good at reading. It fascinates me to watch and hear him read and what words he can read without help and which ones he stumbles over. He just amazes me. :)
Elijah is such a character. I'm pretty sure I've said this before. He is SO full of life. He is saying more and more things. He is not making the progress with speech that Aiden made at his age, but I'm okay with where he is. He is still mostly just repeating things, but he is occasionally using words to communicate his needs and wants. And just hearing him say anything just melts my heart. Today he said, "Oh, Kieran Jack!" Only it sounds like, "Oh, Keekee yak!" Now tell me that is not the cutest thing. :) (Not really, because it IS the cutest thing!) Elijah is playing and engaging with Kieran more and more, which is just so cute to watch. Tonight we were all sitting on the couch and Kieran was laying down and sitting up over and over. So Elijah decided he wanted to, also- right on top of Kieran. I kept telling him not to sit on his brother, that Kieran is fragile, and he just kept saying, "Oh, Kieran Jack," and giggling while trying to sit on him. Little stinker. :) Kieran didn't seem to mind.
Well... It is incredibly late now and I used up all of my mommy time, so this mommy is now off to bed!! I will try to post some cute pictures tomorrow, I have tons!

The Elusive Tooth

2010-01-30T23:36:00.017-07:00

Today's Adventures in Pictures

2010-01-26T21:05:00.030-07:00

Hi Daddy, we miss you! We hope you are having a great time in GA! Kieran is starting to move around more and more and actually look like crawling- I think he figures he better go find Daddy himself if Mommy isn't going to do it! ;) I'll actually caption this time- enjoy!

Somehow this does not look comfortable. To me anyway.

Cute tired baby.

So cute. So tired.

Just thought you needed your daily dose of cuteness.

"Why does this bright light keep flashing in my face?"

"Whatcha looking at, Mama?" He cracks me up with those eyebrows, he is his Daddy's son!!

He is so darn cute.

Feet. :)

What cute feet you have!

This was supposed to be a feet shot... really! Lol! But the big boys put their feet too high and Mommy couldn't see the camera too well...

Silly boys!

The silliness continues...

Does this really need a caption?

Elijah actually decided they should sit like this! :)

Take.... 2?

It is so hard to get a good picture of all of them!

Look at the camera!

Why can't they both look at the camera at the same time?!

Such hams!

They are all just so happy. :)

It was really the flash that startled Kieran, he wasn't really afraid that Elijah was behind him, really! Lol!

They were actually being somewhat cooperative, too bad they weren't all in matching outfits! ;) I think they are pretty darn handsome this way, though!

Kieran is sooo tired! This isn't that great of a picture of him, but one of the few I have of him sitting up on his own. He really isn't that interested! He would rather lunge at stuff! Right after I snapped this picture he fell back and Elijah's diaper cushioned his fall... see next pic! Lol!

He is noticing Kieran so much more and, most of the time, he really seems to enjoy being a big brother!

Elijah is having SO much fun!

The boys were being so silly. I was trying to take pictures of their feet, so I can remember later how small they once were! You can see Aiden's intense grr face- this is his mischief face. It's the face he makes when he is hitting someone, or being too rough, or generally being a headstrong little boy...

Do you see the JOY on his face? He is just so thrilled to have attention from Mommy and both of his brothers!

And just in case you noticed that Elijah is wearing the same shirt as yesterday... I did mention the dryer wasn't working, right??? Lol!

Prayers

2010-01-26T15:26:00.002-07:00

We are getting closer to being able to commit to a child, so now we need clear direction on WHICH child to commit to. Evan and I are both praying fervently that God will clearly show us which child is right for our family. Last night I was praying about it, snuggled in bed with the three boys. I woke up in the middle of the night with a picture of a little girl so strong in my mind that I was a little disoriented and not sure where I was or what woke me, so strong was the image. I shared my experience with Evan and we decided to keep praying to see whether that little girl is our little girl. I guess I'm a little nervous about committing... I don't want another failed adoption! I don't want a child's life on hold if we can't go through with the adoption... So we are trusting in God that He will show us the child He has picked out for us and that He will let us know when the right time is to commit to her. Please pray with us!
In other news... It's been an interesting start to the boys and I being on our own. I've been sick for a week now and it has not been fun, especially with Evan leaving in the middle of it. He did arrive in GA safely, thank goodness. I always tell myself every time he has to go away that the first week is the hardest. The adjusting to him being gone, not just my adjustment but the kids', plus taking on all of Evan's household chores- usually at the start of the second week we are in the swing of things. I started running a fever and generally not feeling well two days before Evan had to leave. The day before he left my fever was 103 and not responding to ibuprofen or tylenol. His unit wouldn't let him come home to take me to urgent care and I really wasn't up to going by myself with all the little ones in tow, so I went and took a cool bath and that finally did the trick. Elijah thought it was great fun to play in the tub with Mommy. I swear, that boy is always up for water play no matter what the reason- as long as you don't try to get his hair or face wet! ;)
Thursday I took tylenol and ibuprofen around the clock so I would feel up to taking care of the kids. Friday Aiden had his endoscopy in Tucson and I wasn't too miserable. A bit congested... It seems now I have a cold and since then I've progressively gotten worse. I've been using my inhaler every few hours, which has never happened before. I'm pretty confident that it can only get better and it WILL get better. The kids don't mind having reheated pizza or whatever Mommy can scrounge together for dinner. Lol!
Today the dryer quit working properly... It's my fault, I think. I washed this big, shaggy rug- the kind where you have to check the lint trap every 15 minutes. Well, the dryer is getting hot, it's tumbling, the hose isn't clogged... but the clothes aren't really getting DRY. The moisture is staying put. I can't figure it out, but I suppose this weekend once we get paid I can have someone out to look at it. In the mean time, I set up two makeshift clotheslines in the bathroom and turned the heat lamp thingy on. The rest of the load I tossed back in the dryer and eventually they did get dry. Eventually. Seriously, I dried this load at least six times. Probably more.
The kids are full of it tonight! Yes, it is now 8:41, it's taken me forever coming back to the computer whenever I get a minute here and there to post this! For those of you who aren't active in the Reece's Rainbow group- check out the edition of People magazine that will be released February 5! :) That's all I'm saying about it! I will surely be springing for a copy!
Well, I am off to get two tired and cranky little boys into bed, then I hope I will be back to upload the days pictures! I took some really cute ones! Of course it helps that I have adorable kids! I can't wait until we have a little girl in the mix!! :) :) :)

For Daddy

2010-01-25T19:49:00.051-07:00

Hi Daddy, we miss you!! Here's what's been going on the last few days! I forgot to get the camera out when Lori & Jaden were here...

Do a Little Dance, Say a Little Prayer

2010-01-17T17:12:00.002-07:00

Today we went to church for the first time in awhile. Our church is not pro adoption (or at least our assistant pastor isn't...) and Elijah has always had a difficult time going into the nursery. Aiden has been asking to go to Sunday school and our EFMP coordinator mentioned that his daughter worked in the 2-3 year old room (and she is going to school to become a special ed teacher) and it seemed like that was my push to go. :) We all had a great time. Aiden didn't want to leave, neither did Elijah. Elijah did have a bit of a meltdown when leaving, he got very agitated and started biting himself, but otherwise he did great. Kieran just loves attention and when he woke up, the nursery staff held him so he was thrilled.
Being able to worship and know that the kids were okay was a GREAT feeling. The music, praising God, oh, my heart has missed that! The sermon was amazing and as usual seemed to be a message just for us from God. Pastor Pat is really a wonderful vessel for God's word and is just such a blessing to us. He said today that if we are doing God's work, no one should get a big head or think they are better than anyone else because all we are is a hose for God's power.
He also spoke of taking all of your problems to God, big and small, because what is big to God? He spoke of having FAITH. We studied John 6:1-15. For me, it was confirmation that I need to TRUST God on this adoption (and in ALL things) and not let the devil get me down! This has been a great weekend. Evan and I have been cleaning, staying up late doing laundry and watching shows together. We've cleared out a good bit of our storage unit, given away some things, sold some other things, and I found a money order for $47 that we had forgotten about! GOD IS GOOD ALL THE TIME!! :) Please continue to pray for us as we could definitely use the prayers. I just wanted to share how AMAZING our God is. :) :) :)
And now, I am off to finish making dinner- I am going to have a small amount of parmesan on my pizza and it will be my first time having dairy in TEN days! Kieran has not gotten any better, so we will see how he does as I reintroduce dairy, then eggs, then nuts. :)

Seriously

2010-01-16T20:43:00.003-07:00

You should never place fingerprint cards on the bar above the kitchen counter, especially when using an electric skillet full of grease on said counter, because SOMETHING will cause the fingerprint cards to slide off the bar into the skillet full of grease. Thankfully we were not able to get printed on Friday and we don't need to REDO prints... we just need to stop by and pick up more fingerprint cards! Lol.
We could definitely use some prayers for a speedy home study this time around because we MUST get our fingerprints done after Evan gets back from BNCOC/ALC (why does the Army change their acronyms just when I think I've learned them all?) and before he deploys... we may have only a few days up to a few weeks, but we are not planning on having more than a few days, just to be safe!! USCIS must have our completed home study before we can do our fingerprints. I know God can do anything and I know He will see us through this- but for my peace of mind, PLEASE PRAY!! :) :)

The results are in...

2010-01-15T10:52:00.003-07:00

Evan's vasectomy worked!!! :) :) :) From here on out, only adopted babies for us!!!

Our Exciting News

2010-01-15T00:04:00.003-07:00

We are in the process of updating our home study and we are hoping to adopt! I'm sure anyone reading this knows of our failed Ukraine adoption... This time around we are adopting from a Hague country that only requires one parent to travel- Army problem solved! We've been praying about this A LOT lately and we feel confident that God is telling us to adopt NOW. Originally we had planned to put away money throughout Evan's deployment and keep our home study updated through out and do the actual adoption after redeployment. But... I strongly felt that God was moving my heart to start now. After a lot of praying, Evan, too, felt that we needed to put our faith in the Lord and do as He asks.
I will admit, we are a little nervous, because it was heartbreaking having to back out last time. I think a failed adoption is somewhat like a woman who has miscarried, you just don't understand the pain if you have not lived it. But this time we have something that we did not before- the conviction that the Lord IS behind this. On my own I am not sure I would have committed again any time soon. Many times I have asked, "God, are you sure NOW is the right time? Because maybe it would be better if we wait." But time and time again He has spoken to my heart and urged me to not be afraid, for He is in control of this and I have to but follow Him. So, that is what we are doing.
We will have our home study meeting on Monday. Evan will be starting BNCOC next week and shortly after he returns, he will deploy, so this is a huge leap of faith for us- but God is surely faithful and we will not embark on this adventure alone! Today the enemy has tried to shake our faith and conviction. We found out that our home study update will cost twice as much as we had originally been told. I have complete peace that the Lord will provide, although I am not sure how. Early this afternoon my cell phone died and was unable to be charged or turned on. We do not have a home phone, so having my phone in working condition is pretty important. Then Brittany and I took the kids to Walmart to pick up some necessities since the guys were working late. When we went to leave the store, my van wouldn't start. Thankfully we had added roadside assistance to our insurance a few months ago and they were able to come start it for me fairly quickly (although at the time with four cranky kids it didn't seem quick).
We tried going by the wireless store to have my phone replaced or at least figure out what I needed to do to get a replacement since we pay for insurance on the phone and found out that the store out here closes two hours earlier than the store in California and had closed 30 minutes before. I never thought to check, but I was certain that their hours were the same! Then since the kids were "starving" we went to go by the one fast food place where I knew what I could eat (seriously, you would not believe the stuff that contains milk or egg!!), but their card machines were not working and none of us had cash (by that time Evan was off work and had joined us). We ended up going somewhere else... We waited about 20 minutes while the manager tried to find allergen information and I ended up choosing a burger I hoped didn't contain milk or eggs when he could not locate any allergen info. We made it home almost half an hour past the kids' bedtime. Aiden was asleep, Elijah and Kieran were both pretty upset- let me tell you, I have never heard a baby cry like Kieran does! I think I will need to encourage Kieran to play brasswind when he gets older because he has some lungs!!
Thankfully we did get the boys fed and settled down pretty quickly. Tomorrow will be a busy day of fingerprints, paper work and cleaning the house. If you could spare a moment to pray for us and our financial situation, we would really appreciate it. Already, my van has had no problems starting AND Evan was able to get my phone working again (although I am pretty sure it is temporary and we will still try to get it replaced!). What a blessing!! :) I KNOW that there will be difficulties. But we will place our trust in God and follow Him. He knows the little girl that He made for our family and He will lead us to her, of this I am certain. God is amazing!